Hopeless (the prequel)

Today is the 16th May, 2011, exactly the middle of the month and five days till The Rapture (JK). I presently serve as lowly staff in one of the ‘big’ *rolling eyes* Lagos advertising agencies and for whatever reason I haven’t been paid my hard-earned wages for the month of April. Delayed pay, I’ve noticed, seems to be the trend with so many organisations in our beloved Naija and I find it extremely sickening. I’ve, perhaps by someone up/out/down there’s sick sense of humour, experienced this my entire working life. From a shortlived television acting career in my early college days, to a very prominent entertainment outfit which, until very recently, also housed a certain, highly demanded and in equal measure, seemingly insensitive werey of a presenter *Hint! Hint!!*…. Heck, I’ve got to rant a bit more here. These people noh try at all, at all dat time o. Imagine: after resigning at the point at which I couldn’t take it anymore, a point at which I was being owed 3 months pay and was still expected to show up daily at an office half-way across Lagos from my abode, a point at which the mumus that labelled themselves ‘management’ were still issuing queries for people coming late or absenting themselves, I didn’t get my pay until 6 months after! The nerve of them people!!

…Anyway *ahem* *straightening hair and clothes* moving on with the resume of sorts, I got called up to serve my fatherland barely a month after I resigned (you go fear strategising nah) and experienced the same shamelessness of delayed pay working for government while my Nigerian Youth Suffering Continued in faraway Katsina… Yep, that’s where I served. Don’t look at me funny, I can also be somewhat patriotic when I wanna be *muttering* like say I no try redeploy Die! No luck *shrug*. Closely following that, I resumed work at my present place of work, where things had seemed rosy until… *Ghen! Ghen!!*… Now.

You see, for me, the issue is and has always been- Would these idiots, my fellow employees, whose job description says ‘mangement’ or ‘human resources’ do their frigging jobs like I’ve done mine over the past month(s) and manage the human resources of this slow and lumbering organisation?!” We’re human beings for goodness sake, we’re not farm animals to be used till we’re useless and then slaughtered to be used as feed for our fellow livestock without being given reason. I’ve no grouse with there allegedly being no funds to pay salaries at the very moment, ish happens. My grouse is: “Would you just send us a memo, perhaps a mail, put som’n on the notice board, call a general meeting, look us in the face and explain to us, lie to us, console us, beg us, psyche us…
Just. Frigging. TALK. TO. US!!! *pant pant pant* *pause* *regains composure*

Anyway sha, this one na advanced warning. Boys’ eyes don dey redder for dese zones and if dem no dey careful, we go soon para on top anoda levelz. All dese under-G whispers for corridor and on top staircase say “When dem go pay our money nah?” nor dey work again. E be like say na until we release yawa gas for dis atmosphere na I’m dem go come begin understand the P. Just in case sha, I might just put my cv up on my next post so in case of in casity, if anyborry is finding a mad hatter of a an art director, I shall just indicate my availability (like play, like play, this whole post done turn to long-version of my work experience sha).

Well, it was while I was at Soundcity…. Yeah, I said it! Sue me!! >:p *mscheeew*… Soundcity Blast magazine, to be precise, that I began writing the ‘following’ piece. Concluded it at some point during my service year, erratic writer that I sometimes am. Well, I’ll be sharing the piece with y’all in three pieces (pun intended)… starting with this one, an appetizer of sorts. The first course shall be served tomorrow *now ignoring the glares and pissed off stares that I can’t kukuma see you giving me*

In the meantime, please enjoy the rest of my temporarily very short and measly blog and if you’ve been led here by a mutual friend or a retweet on twitter or from facebook please subscribe so you can receive fresh and first-hand the subsequent posts or/also follow me on twitter (@Olatoxic) to see me rant further (well, not likely :p)

Please fell free to use the comment boxes below. Share your experiences (or the lack thereof) with us. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

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20 comments on “Hopeless (the prequel)

  1. Na to arrange coup remain. Have they paid your bosses’ drivers? I mean the ones that drive them and their children to and fro office/ school. You know nah…Be imaginative…
    *Na PLAY i dey so oooooooo* hmmn hmnn
    Nice, looking forward to the next posts. 🙂

    Like

  2. Niggydip says:

    Lmfao! Baba, you really are a case I swear! Please don’t post notes like this during office hours so that we don’t lose our jobs by laughing like fools next to a boardroom meeting! Sheesh! Nice article o! 100% insane! Keep it up!

    Like

  3. kelvin says:

    Are those Paul Smith shoes? Only then will I wanna be in ’em …lol

    Like

  4. GidiMallam says:

    Now wat wld u do if “THEY” were readin dis right now…dat wld be very awkward innit…
    Well thank God in my own office over promptness dey worry dem sef…pele…

    Like

    • 0latoxic says:

      Are you kidding me? I’d be delighted to find that they read it. I’d even forward the link to their email addys if I had em! Does doing that in my mind count? 😀

      Like

  5. Creative Director says:

    I like the free flowing style and Yes I said it. Cool piece.

    Like

  6. 'Jibòla says:

    Hahahaha…. Why do I find the frustration in this piece morbidly amusing? Oh well, easy o brost!

    Like

  7. KimoraWilliams says:

    Nice piece man. Hilarious as usual. But wait oh, does this mean ur no longer taking me out for chinese? Bummer!

    Like

  8. ms_tomiwa says:

    Warris all dis. I posted a comment and it didn’t get displayed *rme* anyway d summary of my 1st comment was that d piece was funny and sounds so You. And if this doesn’t get displayed too..immma…immaa…I don’t know..but imma do something! 😐

    Like

    • 0latoxic says:

      Hmm, maybe I should just delete the comment and see what exactly you would do, eh? /:)

      Anyways, good to know it sounds like me, was afraid it’d sound more like the guy who actually wrote it 😉

      Like

  9. toni says:

    Lovely piece. Your boss must not read dis!

    Like

  10. Miss Em says:

    *nodding* In d same dilemma too…and ayam tired,can’t quit cuz theriz no alternative and can’t work cuz theriz no incentive… na 2 sell akara 4 moremi car park remain…mschew

    Like

  11. […] get a fuller picture of this post, you may want to first see Hopeless (the prequel) and Hopeless (the 2nd installment). Well, her’s the finale on […]

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  12. Burn the building. Solves everything.

    Like

  13. Belles Pomme says:

    I don’t know which I find more amusing, the post itself or the comments associated with it… Lmbo.

    On a serious note tho, I feel your distraught.

    tout cela va juste être un rêve. . . dès mon cherie
    (it will all just be a dream… soon)

    Bises

    Like

  14. […] get a fuller picture of this post, you may want to first see Hopeless (the prequel) and Hopeless (the 2nd installment). Well, here’s the finale on […]

    Like

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