Papa must Die!!

Well, I can lie to you like all these other bloggers that ” I’ve been really busy cooking up something wonderful for you but in the meantime, please enjoy this small offering while I keep working endlessly on some other wonderful post that will blow your mind ” (after which you don’t see another post for like 2 months)….. but I won’t. This is all I’ve been able to come up with since my last post three weeks ago….

Okay, now I’m lying :p. I now actually have enough material to be a little more consistent without my brain’s OS freezing on me. Let’s just hope I can keep avoiding my good friend, Procrastination and his brother, Indiscipline…. *covers face*

Please enjoy…



Yes, poison was the way forward. I had tolerated plenty from that old bastard but this… this was the last straw.

This my by-force neighbour had taken things too far. We had lived in peaceful co-existence only because first- I no just get im time and second- because I dey respect im old age. After all, like my brother, Chinedu, said the last time he was over “E kuku first you reach hia. Free di guy jarey”

We called him Papa because of all his grey hair but to be honest we couldn’t really tell his age. Couldn’t even say whether he was old or young. Just that he was a very experienced rogue.

Papa took my food without permission, I didn’t say anything… slept in my bed when I was out, leaving disgusting traces behind I must add, I let it go… pulled the power cord while I was watching television, I just plugged it back in… repelled my guests with his sudden appearances and gymnastics, I would calmly apologise on his behalf… He would enter and leave as he pleased, eat whatever he felt like, sleep whenever he liked, shit wherever he wanted… I no talk shishi….

But trying to get with my babe, in my own house, on my own frigging bed?! Ehn eh! Mba o!! Dat one was intolerable.

So poison…

Poison was the only way.

It was after hearing that scream, a shriek that would frighten any corpse… After seeing my woman flee from me like I had a scythe in skeletal claws, all the time wailing how she would never step into my place again… Only after she’d told me that I had to choose between her and Papa, my long-time squatter and co-inhabitant… That I knew the pest had to go… permanently.

I knew then that I had to smoke the rat out…

…And kill him.

Kill it.

With Poison.

Or how else would you react if your babe told you she’d awoken in your bed, in which she’d fallen asleep alone, to find a rodent on top of her?…


45 comments on “Papa must Die!!

  1. LOL. Are you serious?! On top of her?


  2. Cleo says:

    Lol…I agree, poison is the way to go!


  3. Ekene says:

    Interesting tale…suspense-filled!


  4. JCphoenixx says:

    Hahahahahahhahahahahaaaaaa! Great! Hahahaha


  5. kelvin says:

    Hahahaha…ode..u are so †☁DEAD☁† ! A rat?! All this and its about a rat!!! I’m so foolish!


  6. OOkpoechi says:

    Loooool. Suspense-filled. Nice!!


  7. Nugwa says:

    Had that sort’a neighbor back in uni. Curse you UNIBEN! Called him Blacky… havn’t seen him in a while… #goodolddays…


  8. ibetapassmynebo says:

    buahahaha…i dnt even kno wt to write again…ds is epic abeg..*milo clap*… Maka oke??? Buahahaha!…hw wud a human-rat be like asumn papa had hs way? Hmmmm!


    • 0latoxic says:

      Ibeta, why don’t you just carry out that experiment and let us know your what your findings are, say about April next year? I’d sure like to know too 😉


  9. cikk0 says:

    lol@ *milo clap*…
    this was the fifteen types ofawesome mehn… Iactually re-readthe entire thing to see how everything checked out. you sneaky bugger!


  10. tasiebarney says:

    Extremely hilarious… Good stuff.


  11. TheExtrovertKid says:

    LMFAO!! Hilarious stuff! Well done.


  12. Miss Tizzle says:

    Hahaha….you got me good! Very nice!


  13. SlevinCalevra says:

    Yeh! I have die o!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Papa reminds me of Morunfu! Speaking from experience though, me na tink poison gon work man. Papa is a special breed and needs to be treated as one. Ally and not foe. Monrufu started behaving after our truce, now he’s my guy!


  14. UncleJevi says:

    Aha! Nice one!


  15. Martin says:

    poison is a subtle measure…just go Machete on him


  16. 'Dania says:

    LOL! Like Cikk0 i had to reread after getting to the end…crazy guy (y)


  17. Short but nice. now i have a better nam to call dem rat PAPA.. Way to go Olatoxic!!


  18. ms_tomiwa says:

    Lol…lol…nice one throwing us all off! I still have a silly smile on my face.


  19. 0latoxic says:

    Funny how noone seems to notice my illustrations. And I spent so much time on doing them o… 😦


  20. Imoh Inwang says:

    All this reading, and for a rat…!?!?!?!

    I’m suing for smart siphoning of me time!!!
    I cross my heart and swear ta fart!
    Nice one there with the rodent picutre..


  21. lolia says:

    Hehehe… N he does it again *winks* 🙂


  22. NAOMI says:

    Tokunbo this whole idea is awesome! n ur write up………. superbly entertaining.. cant tell u to keep it up cos u r wayyyyyy above the top now : )


  23. Pst Rooh says:

    Ola there is a category of art thinkers and expressionists I believe are just too much – Ola, you outsmart them ALL.(thinking as i’m typing…’i would have fared better with my teachers back in school if i had some your genius genes’…any for sale?)


  24. Kemmiiii says:

    Oh wow!
    You got me! Big time!!!
    Who would’ve thought that it was a rat ehn?
    Nice one!


  25. BoukkieO says:

    buhahahaha! Papa was a rat! And the illustrations just got me rolling. nice!


  26. DeMorrieaux says:

    lol *i laugh* seriously..


  27. terdoh says:

    Ha! Even though I saw the link on Kemi’s post, I still wouldn’t have believed it was a rat.

    Love the suspense. Love the illustrations. Love the blog.


  28. Nomskyn says:

    Great read. I have to go back to writing these sort of stories. Ps We call the rat in my house Achilles…


  29. omobobo says:

    Wow! Wow! Wow!
    *clapping hands*
    I’m impressed


  30. mo says:

    Lmaoo you got me I swear nice illustrations story was told nicely


  31. isetfiretotherain says:

    why evuuulls?


  32. damolee says:

    What a sudden end. Funny but incomplete to me.


  33. rolake says:

    :D…really really gud!!! …still laughin’… Papa’s so dead! 🙂


  34. Xbone says:

    Choi!!! I feel very foolish….i dint even kno it was a rat until i got to the COMMENTS!! Fk u papa!! Fk u very much!!!


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