The Sequel

Please read The Prequel to the Sequel before this. If you already have, then by all means, enjoy…

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I’ve made the choice to remain a virgin until I get married.

I’m not going to tell you how to live your life or make you feel bad about your choices. I’m simply here to state my reasons and beliefs in the hope that they’ll educate and/or encourage someone out there.

I’m not your average female, I’m actually hot cake and can so so get it! So why am I still a virgin? I’m Christian, but it’s not just because God said so. Someone once said in my hearing that she doesn’t understand why God would say no to premarital sex when there are no negative effects. Well, it may seem that way when you choose to ignore the facts but the reality is that you ARE more exposed to certain negative effects when you indulge in premarital sex. If everyone went about sex only God’s way, there would be fewer rates of abortions, STDs, teenage pregnancies, and even failed marriages. God designed sex, and He knows how best it works. We are supposed to enjoy it, but only in the context of marriage. When it’s taken out of that context, it becomes abused and can then be harmful. There is not one thing God says we should or shouldn’t do that isn’t for our good. Let’s take a look at His manual.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24

One man + One woman = Marriage —-> One Flesh (Sex)

In my opinion, sex is the icing on the cake, the deal sealer. When a man and woman have sex, they become one. There is a spiritual tie that comes with the act of sex and I only want that tie with my husband. This might sound like bollocks to a lot of people, but here’s reference from the bible:

“Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.”“ – 1 Corinthians 6:16

So you see, there’s more to sex than mere skin on skin (or even rubber). Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact… “The two become one”.

This means sex not covered by the marriage covenant opens doors for spirits to be transferred. Scary.

God created sex as a bonding tool. Psychologists believe that when a woman loses her virginity to a man, his image is strongly imprinted on her mind, which creates a strong emotional attachment. I only want my husband to be imprinted on my mind. I believe that choosing to live with one particular person for what you hope to be the rest of your life will be challenging… eventually… and sex is supposed to aid in staying together. When two people have sex, the hormone oxytocin is released which creates emotional bonds. Naturally, when that bond is broken, it will hurt. If however, that bond is continually broken and reapplied with other people, it is then weakened until it ceases to exist. An illustration: when you peel plaster off your skin, it hurts. Reapply it a few times and it will lose its stickiness and stop hurting. Bonding works like that. When it’s broken, it hurts. It’s not designed to be made and broken repeatedly because it then loses it’s bonding effect.

I believe there are blessings and rewards that come with waiting. God forgives, but you can’t disobey God and receive the full blessings that would have come if you had not disobeyed in the first place. I don’t want to miss out on my full blessings.

The creator designed sex to come with heavy emotions. I’m very emotional and I probably won’t be able to handle the weight of pre-marital sex. I’d rather enjoy guilt-free and happy sex. I don’t have to worry about STDs, pregnancy, whether or not he is just using me or waking up the next morning full of regret. I do not believe in abortion, so if I was to ever get pregnant, that would not be an option; plus I don’t want to embarrass my family (my father will do an Abraham and Isaac on me. Except, without the ram) My best option is to go with abstinence.

It is popular belief that once you start, it’s hard to stop. I believe sex is a spiritual killer. I value my relationship with God and I believe sex outside marriage can greatly draw one back from God. I’ve heard people try to justify sex outside marriage as just another sin. But the bible lets us know that sex is different from all other sins because we are sinning against our own bodies. It says it is soul-destroying and self-destructive (Proverbs 6:32 & 1 Corinthians 6:18).

Being a virgin, to a certain extent, protects me from toxic relationships. Most men these days are fueled by desire and I believe once I give a man like this sex, he is no longer necessarily obliged to stay. I’m not saying he isn’t going to stay once I do; but when he does stay, how long would we last? Always on the lookout for the next hot thang, he will not hesitate to leave once he finds something better or once he concludes I am not wife material for him even though I may ride him good. What if we are engaged, and then he discovers the sex isn’t so great? Will we then walk away from each other?

In this regard, saying no to sex reduces my pool of datable men by a large amount. If you’re not going to date me because there is no sex involved, you are not worth my time. Am I a sex machine? I think not. I want a man that loves me for who I am, who will stay whether there is great sex or not, because of his interest in me, and not in my sexual prowess. Casual sex relationships and relationships built around sex are more likely than not to be selfish acts, as opposed to marriage, where we are more likely to take the partner’s best interests into consideration.

For me, the point of dating is to find someone I am compatible with and who possesses the qualities I desire in a man. I want to see him for who he really is, and know I am truly in love with him without sex clouding my judgment. Most of us know people who have stayed in an abusive relationship because of the sex, whether they realize it or not. One day sex will mean nothing. What if something happens to that person and it affects our sex life, and how about when we are old; will I still be happy to spend my days with him because of who he is?

“A poll in The Guardian newspaper in February 1997 asked 794 couples who had been married for ten years or more what they liked most about their partner. The most popular answer (18%) said they were ‘caring and thoughtful’. 10% said their personality. Only one per cent said sex.”

That’s roughly 8 people out of 800. So how important is great sex at the end of the day?

Quote: “The only thing that creates commitment is character. And character is often in short supply when we’re indulging in premarital sex.”

For me, sex is a prize for getting there. Like eating that big piece of chicken after finishing your pounded yam; or your rice and stew if you don’t like pounded yam. Wait. How can you not like pounded yam?! Oh sorry, I digress. Where was I? Yeah…

I want something to look forward to when I get married; when we go for our honeymoon (imagine releasing up to 25 years worth of konji on the poor man…… *now playing Unleash the Dragon by Sisqo*. I want to say “Yes! I did it!” and make God proud.

I am keeping myself also because of the respect I have for my future husband. I want to be a one-man woman. That’s how we were created. God didn’t make Eve, Evelyn, Evelette, and Eveniqua. We weren’t made to be shared, that’s why we humans get jealous. I want the man I marry to be the only one that got to hit that. I don’t want to have anyone else to compare him to either. I don’t need to experiment. (This part is hard for me because I’m always looking for new things). I have value for the sex we will eventually have. It says long term commitment. I want my heart to agree when I give sex. I want to know we are fully committed to each other, and that won’t happen till he puts a wedding ring on it.

It’s just not worth giving it up now. It’s a one-time thing and I want to do it wisely. I’d rather ‘suffer’ patiently now in exchange for many years of a sex life free of guilt and frustration ahead. I believe if I wait till marriage, I will have the best I can get. People say you need experience or someone with experience. This is a lie from the pit of hell. After all, even those with all the experience started from somewhere. If I’m going to have sex for very many years of my life, there’s no rush. Self-control is necessary. If one cannot control self before marriage, how can anyone believe they will be able to afterwards?

All God has for us is love, He knows what’s best for us and wants to protect our future. And God will not tell us to do or not to do anything if His grace will not cover us. Don’t think Christianity is just a set of rules and regulations that will make life boring; it’s a one on one relationship with God and it’s the best way to live. It’s about grace, love, and freedom. And He wants us all to enjoy that.

Peace and Love.

Anon.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • •  • • • • • • • • • • •

Err…

Sorry to burst your bubble if you were hoping to go to town with the lady’s identity. I bet most of y’all are mature but too many immature folk cloaked amongst you guys. We’ll just play it safe and keep this anonymous, yeah? Just take my word for it that when she says “I’m hot cake and can totally get it”. Chic ain’t lying yo! *sigh*

Forget that she’s a lady, I share each and every value posted up here. They apply to both males and females. And these, ladies and gentlemen, are the whys of my (and her) virginity.

So what are your thoughts?

This entry was posted in Nuggets.

35 comments on “The Sequel

  1. xavier says:

    Okay its a nice post… A lil lengthy….but nice.

    She has some very valid and believeable points too. (Y)

    Like

  2. Sirkastiq says:

    Erm…the song ” Unleash the dragon” is kinda more than sexual. methinks it has spiritual undertones as well. I also believe if you listen to it in hushed tones from the end to start, you will hear an actual satanic incantation.

    but that’s not why we are here…

    I also don’t subscribe to the school of thought that believes you should “eat” your piece of “meat” last. i mean, who decided when meat/chicken/turkey or whatever your preference is should be eaten? Anyway, i’m sure “vegetarians” will agree with me. i love my vegetarian friends and i don’t judge them because i like meat. Even though our society has made eating meat a norm, it doesn’t make it the right way, similarly, some learnt this late in life and find themselves seemingly “stuck” with meat mostly because they don’t know a better or the “benefits” of another way.

    Cool post airing your reasons.

    what might be more helpful is if there exists any hope whatsoever for those who have been meat fans most of their years.

    Nice post Toks and Anon…no beef my dear vegetarians.

    Like

    • Dosh says:

      It takes strong will and the grace of God. It’s not easy to give up meat and sometimes they’ll find themselves “cheating” on the greens for the greasy deliciousness of beef but with time, self control AND the grace of God, there’s nothing that can’t be achieved.

      I talk from experience. It was hard at first but it gets better. And like she said, it has made it sooo much easier to sieve the chaff away

      Like

  3. xavier says:

    Woah!!! I was first!!! Heheheheh

    Like

  4. mizztosin says:

    Me like!
    All points were valid!
    Its a norm doesn’t mean its right!
    Nice post

    Like

  5. Gheun says:

    Awesome post. Very Very nice. I should Drag a few eyes here.
    Meanwhile, please abeg let’s do a guessing game on who wrote this piece jare. Shall we? 😀 😀 😀

    Like

  6. BankyPhoenix says:

    And what happens when your husband or wife leaves????

    Like

  7. emotunrie says:

    20+ years worth of konji though… :$ 😀 x_x

    Like

  8. HoneyBronzed says:

    this post is on point. being realistic, Abstinence is hard mehn but grace is sufficient.and the advantages of abstaining outweigh d disadvantages of premarital sex, so yeah! its worth wait.

    Like

  9. KJR says:

    This made way too much sense and hit home harder than I thought would. Let’s just say, it takes double portions of grace to stay a virgin in today’s world and a thousand times more that amount of grace to go back to celibacy after you’ve actually tried the ‘meat’ as Kelvin put it…assuming that’s what he was talking about. That comment was confusing.

    Great post btw!

    Like

  10. DeMorrieaux says:

    Very nice.
    I always say, “the heart was never meant to be broken..”
    And yea, I agree with most points..

    Well done, Toxy!!! for posting twice in just one day.
    Guess that means you’ll be blogging more regularly now 😉

    Like

  11. Great, great post on something I strongly believe in. I loved it and just wanted to show my support. Kudos!

    Like

  12. kunle says:

    Good stuff!

    Like

  13. Anonymous says:

    If only societal’s mainstream values were what you just posted here. *Sigh* Maybe one day! I’m in the same boat as you, and in the face of temptation, I forgot why I was determined to remain a virgin and contemplated going for the kill 😦 thank God for His grace… I escaped but not totally unscathed, that is what I get for playing with fire. Indeed God’s instruction for us to FLEE FROM TEMPTATION IS NOT A JOKE! I ended up not having intercourse, but I still lost something, and carry the emotional shame and scar on me. I continually pray to God to break that emotional and spiritual tie by being physical to the extent I was. Christ is still healing me, and I know He will continue to. Even though that relationship is over, I still feel the pressure of the past combined with the sinking shame. I regret attempting to go back on my promise to God, in the moment of passion, I cheapened a gift God gave me. However, I’m glad that my identity is not just being a virgin, or that I almost gave in to societal pressures. It is that I am a child of God. Currently only my closest friends know my status, most people who guess or want to know think I’m a wuss or weird for not outwardly talking about my sex life… well if there is nothing to talk about, then obviously I would be quiet… Anyhow, thanks for this reminder and encouragement! May Christ continue to give us the grace and the strength to keep our promises to Him!!!

    Like

    • gbemisoke says:

      I know how you feel.
      I was with a “please-just-the-tip-I-would-die-if-I-dont-come” guy and I left that relationship with scars worse than yours.

      Guess what? After I went back to God, I made a pact with Him that I would keep myself inspite of all that happened. I found a man who loved me enough to walk that journey with me and for the 2 1/2 years we were together before we got married, we abstained from sex and God’s grace kept us. Easy? No. Possible? Yes.

      Don’t let the devil guilt you into thinking you are your mistakes. The righteous falls several times but keeps getting up. Proverbs 24:16 (Gbemi’s version) You’ve got what it takes cos His power is at work in you both to will & do His good pleasure. Phil 2:13

      Surround yourself with people that share your values, find accountability partners that can help you when you’re weak. His grace is sufficient for you.

      Like

  14. ksly says:

    Kunle and Anon….say in 2 to 3 years?

    Like

  15. 27 yrs of konji…and by the way tinz r going, i may be 29 before i get to unleash the Godzilla in me. God help me! Holding body in this day n age is not funny! God who has brought me this far will keep me till my wedding night, can i hear an amen? Amen!

    Like

  16. Andhiii says:

    All man ever wants is happiness. We forget how to love, be patient and care. We forget how to feel good inside, because it takes time and hurts sometimes, so we go for the easiest attainable form of happiness we can find, physical satisfaction.

    Like

  17. Y’all just gon’ act like u didn’t notice the classic pun/sub by the writer … “Being a virgin, to a certain extent, protects me from toxic relationships.” … (._. )
    Enjoyed the post. U expressed your views well. Hope God gives us the grace to wait till our wedding day. Its not easy for us o.

    Like

  18. ieshah says:

    ” And these, ladies and gentlemen, are the whys of my (and her) virginity.”
    And mine too! And I totally understand her remaining anonymous, half my friends don’t believe me, so I’ve stopped saying it so much. Doesn’t change my views any.
    “God designed sex, and He knows how best it works. We are supposed to enjoy it, but only in the context of marriage. When it’s taken out of that context, it becomes abused and can then be harmful.”
    I know a large number of people who would argue this to the death, and then round it up it with the ‘what-if-my-other-doesnt-know-how-to-‘do’ question. This is where faith comes in, in God, in his manual for you and in the great tool that is communication. Sex is God-inspired, as weird as it sounds, and its just sad that most of the world doesn’t think so.
    I notice noone responded to BankyPhoenix?

    Like

  19. Bizkit says:

    This means sex not covered by the marriage covenant opens doors for spirits to be transferred. . .

    you dear Anon & Toxic have done sth beautiful with this Post sha!

    Shii just got Real.

    Like

  20. Somebody says:

    Hey love ALL your posts. Hearing that girls are keeping their v’s till they get married (in this day and age) is one thing, but GUYS too, wow. Dunno why I’m just posting a comment now, I’ve been a fan since like last year lol. Probs a bit shy :$ I have sooo many questions to ask you. How can we talk?

    Like

  21. Achi_va says:

    Holding body no easy at all o,especially is u r a fine boy/girl(winks).the truth is that being a virgin till marriage shd b d standard,but in our society today,its d direct opposite.people get teased a lot for being virgins yo! Sometimes it gets to u tho,its d delusional society we have come to live in today.read som1’s comment about staying celibate for about 27 years or so, i so hope i can wait that long.Lord knows it aint easy.

    Like

  22. I agree. I am encouraged. Thank you.

    Like

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