Vanity

Wrote this for Lade’s Let’s Talk About… series over at Out Of My Head a short while back. If you missed it then, enjoy…

 

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This is a set-up.

Lade gave me the one topic she knew I’d have to research long and hard on to come up with a post worth reading. Now that it’s taken that long to write it, I look like the bad guy for delaying in the way I have. Pfft!… Set up toh kwality mehn.

Yeah, that’s my story, feel free to stick to it ( ˘͡- ˘͡)

The cliché way to start this post is to give you a/the definition of vanity but you guys know how original and creative I am, yeah? So I’m now going to do something different… I’m going to give you a/the definition After making you think I wasn’t going to give you a/the definition just yet! Bawse! You see, I’m the original Mr Originality (back off Faze, I’m not in the least phased by your ugly face -__-).

Ok, let us delve into this topic. Vanity can be defined as…

Oh wait, there’s something I need to add before I do this. As the badass nigga that I am, I had to carry out a lot of research to make this post worthwhile. Yeah, yeah, I know I’ve said this before, just pay attention, I’m going somewhere with this. So I carried out a whole lot of research to validate all the observations I’ll make and the theories I’m going to propound here. Never mind that this research didn’t involve opening any new tabs on my browser. Never mind that this research did not involve any search engines and that no dictionaries, online or offline, were opened. No libraries, no Wikipedia. Never mind that I didn’t even launch my browser in the first place. Heck, I didn’t even boot my computer in the name of research. *heave* Just take my word for it that I sha did research for this post, okay? Good.

That said, let’s now delve into the definition of Vanity according to… Me. Vanity is negative pride.

The end.

Addendum:

*sigh*

Ok, this is awkward.

Lade wouldn’t allow me end this post in the brilliant way I already did and I really don’t have much else to say. So I’ll just do some rambling now (like I haven’t already done almost 400 words of senseless rambling)

Let’s talk about negative pride. According to my research (*guffaws*), there is good pride and there is bad pride. Anyone who’s smart would know the difference but I’ll just ramble on for the benefit of the olodos (and to fulfill all righteousness. All righteousness being Lade’s darned word count)

Good pride is, for example, the feeling a father would have for a son (or a daughter o. Feminists, back off. Thanks. -_-) who has done a really laudable thing through determination and hardwork. In this case, the father is proud of his child. A good thing. Now, for bad pride. Another example: Say a lady, by the divine grace of God, by the right mix of genes or just sheer luck is a hawtie. You know nah, all dem all round, 10/10 hot chics . Ehen. So say this chic is just forming for all the dudes trying to chat her up and toast her and she’s even a snob towards the other chics that just aren’t as hawt as she is. All this on top beauty wey no be she give herself o, ehen, that is priding aka vanity and that is a bad thing.

Just so I’m not misread, I’m not saying one cannot be proud (positively) of one’s own achievements o without being considered vain o. All I’m saying is when one has something to be proud of that they have attained or achieved by their own will power then it’s okay to bepriding upon such (just don’t go and be rubbing it in people’s faces. That one is gloating, a negative somtin). But if you have been lucky or blessed with something that you could not have gotten or achieved without the influences of others, then it is wrong to be gberagaing(carrying shoulder) on top such.

Vanity is bad for you. I may not be able to prove it right now, but that’s the truth. Vanity is bad for you, indulge not in it.

The End… again.

Addendum 2:

*rolling my eyes*

Lade says I should prove it. How am I supposed to now prove it with all the extensive research that I did(n’t) carry out, ehn? *sigh*

Okay, lemme sha try small to prove to you that vanity is bad for you…

Ermm… A short, true story: I used to have this really huge crush on this beauriful gehl in my neighbourhood when I was in my early teens. I toast dis gehl taya, she no gree for me :(Daiz how I now freed o. When I was now in university, I started taking acting seriously to the point that I was getting roles in soap operas on tv. I now used to go to her house dat time to go and be gberagaing for her because I was now a sterrs. Nonsense. I now finish school and said “Lemme now come and be facing my real long-term career fully”. I now freed acting. Daiz how, perhaps by some sort of coincidence, she started acting around that same time. On Tinsel for that matter! Now, me I’m the one doing 9 to 5 job and she’s the one that is doingigberaga for me. So you see, maybe, just maybe if I had not done igberaga for her when it was me that was a supahsterrs, she would not have now been giving me the return fire when she was the one that was now a supahsterrs. Never mind that I will soon be a billionaire and then I can be the one now doing the igberaga for her again, possibly even in the house I would have married the babe into… (•͡.̮ ~͡) But lemme not say anything until then, afterall, the humble pie I have been forced to eat is still bitter in my mouth. I am really not a vain somebody, not anymore anyway. Igberagaing is no longer in my character. Better to just stay humble and have my trumpet blown by others around me. Abi?

Anyway sha, that there is why and how vanity is/can be bad for you.

The Final End.

Addendum 3:

Aaaaaaaaaarrrrggghhh!!!

Lade is trying to use scope to find out which character in Tinsel I was chewing gumming dat time. She’s saying I must tell you people who it is. Ehn, telematch nii… ( ˘͡- ˘͡) So that you people can be catching cruise on top my head, abi? Lai lai. Wait o *pause* I might have already said who it is sha… Oh well! ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯

Fini.

For real this time. -____-