I found Okaima on her blog. I did not know her, but I felt the need to thoroughly critique this story she had written and to my surprise, she reached out to me. Beyond just the story too, also about some very personal, very scary stuff going on with her at the time.
I’ve seen her heal and grow as sharing her experiences also helped me do same. Okaima has a beautiful, sometimes therapeutic way with words, see for yourself…
You are beautiful, kind, funny and many layers of awesome. You better believe that when you read this one year from now.
Remember just a year ago when Tokunbo bullied/asked you to write this. It was funny at first. Expectations? Is that not what people have and then they die? You had just entered 2013 and all you were was grateful to be alive. You went for the cross over service and did not have the strength to ask God for anything. You just thanked God for life. You were scared to hope for anything because you had a tank full of that at the beginning of 2012 and see how that turned out. Beneath the layers of your fear you finally found some things you hoped for, things you hoped to do and the person you hoped to be. When this wheel has made a complete turn, I pray you are alive and well, reading this with a cold bottle of coke and a huge ass smile on your face.
Ah.. How do I start this? By the time you read this you should be in or just about starting your final year. The mountain of pathology and pharmacology you were looking at when you a year ago should have been made plane ground. Dusted and cleared, certificate in bag. Like a boss. You will remember the fear that almost paralyzed you and smile. God came through for you right? I told you he will. I do not understand why you found that hard to believe. You are so close to being a doctor, shey you can taste it now? It feels good abi?.
You know how you spent the whole of 2012 trying to be the modern day Jesus. Cutting off your limbs to help people and giving and giving till you had nothing more to give and even then you still gave. You should better have stopped this. All that talk about being a good friend and shit is sweet but this year the most important person you should bother about being a friend to is yourself. It is good to be kind but how about being kind to yourself? You should have gotten to know yourself, get familiar with the person you really are, not the society approved slim fitted version. You should have learnt to be kind to yourself even in criticism. Encourage yourself. Be unapologetically you. All those foolish boys that guy zone you because you listen to rap and watch football
and drink like a man, they really do not matter. Do you.
Talking about kindness, you better be kind to your body. Shey you know it is only one you have? Starving yourself and following up with bingeing on junk? Stop it. Seriously, stop it. Eat real food, when last did you even eat Eba? Better fix up. Come here,five bottles of coke a day? If you still do this shit then I do not even have words for you. I know it is not easy and you are addicted and what not but five? With all the many ways you know excess sugar can f*** shit up you still will not stop, abi? Do not stop totally because you know we like coke but reduce it please. One bottle in two days or maybe one bottle per day. Or two bottles per day. Five is sha too much. And you know that other matter? I will not even mention it here because I know you have stopped and you will not do it again this year. This is just a reminder sha.
Yes! It is even true. You know that shii you do every morning? When you close one nostril with your index finger and trumpet like an elephant through the other nostril? You better stop that George of the jungle behavior. Stop it. Take piriton or whatever for your allergies and let the community hear word.
Erm what else? Travel. Benin and Lagos all your life? Out of how many cities in the Nigeria and beyond? Please by this time next year, you should have added more cities to your list. With or without permission, just travel. All those conferences they organize in school, you better go for all of them. If you do not do these things now I wonder when you want to do them.
Please you must have watched Lion king, Aladdin and all those cartoons you were too ‘busy’ to watch as a child. Please, help your last and watch them. How can you not have even watched lion king? What were you doing? What? After your exams, watch all the movies you have missed out on. Inception, DKR, skyfall, even twilight. Just stay still and read books and watch movies and let your own company surround you. Spend time by yourself doing those things that you loved once upon a time.
What else? There is really nothing else and I feel I should apologize to you for taking time out to read this randomness. I have racked my brain and that’s all I can come up with. Are these even expectations? Oghogho and Marilyn said 2013 would be your year but that was hard to see when what you wanted out of 2013 was to watch Lion King. I know everybody may have been expecting to see closer walk with God somewhere but the thing is I am just really tired. Not negative, not positive, not hopeless.. Just tired and tired of trying.
And so I surrender. The owner of this our life shall do with it as He pleases. I do not plan to lie down and do nothing but I surrender. You get, I do not know how to explain this. I do not care if you think this is me accepting defeat or whatever. Maybe, but I surrender. Let Him do with us as He pleases. Let Him find you if He wants to. I hope this works out well for you. Despite your lack of expectations, I hope everything good has come to you this year. I love you and I always will.