Wunmi went on this hiatus from online activity last year that made me miss her much, especially her blogging. Glad she’s back. And I’m honoured she’s resuming her blogging here first…
It’s the start of a new year, and it’s like suddenly, a button lying dormant in our brain all this while has been activated to remind us that we weren’t so good these past 350+ days and we must do better so it’s natural we set out resolutions in the new year, so natural it has become an annoying old cliché I know, right up there with the NYE church attendance en masse but let’s look at the idea behind it rather than the notoriety of the half-assed efforts we usually associate with it. Personally, I don’t mind resolutions, they are good for those that can hack it. But I usually can’t. I’m one of those people that forget they ever made one just a few days into the new year. But this time, it shall be different!
Last year for me was a period of mixed emotions. I experienced my first heart break at the start of it and I went through a complete turning-over period. I had accepted that I was gonna be a wreck for a while and I think that seemed to help the healing process. New look, new outlook and a new attitude to boot and the recovery process seemed a complete doddle compared to the train wreck I’d envisaged the rest of my year was gonna be. In the same year, I reconnected with Allah, met some amazing people and completed my masters program. It was a good rest-of-the-year.
I also went through a learning and unlearning phase. I needed to know who I really was but also let go of bad habits and ridiculous beliefs I had picked up on the way up until then. I needed to find the real me, not the me that was jumping high and bending low on the pedestal that was the ridiculous expectations of dear ‘boyfriend’, neither the me friends believed I was. I needed to tear back a lot of layers, get to the gritty one that is Wunmi, true and unadulterated. This year’s resolution is about that – exploring myself.
And so, I’ve gone back to the grassroots:
Writing. My first love. As my dead blog will attest, this is a part of me that has been largely ignored. Mostly down to low confidence brought on by my inability to complete a write up. The jungle that was my mind never enabled me to easily express myself. Long hours staring at the computer screen everytime I vowed to write did just enough to cement my belief that maybe I just wasn’t good enough. Well, this year, I’ll make myself good enough. No matter how many you’ve had or experienced, nothing/no one can ever make you feel like your first love ever did. So like the prodigal lover, I’ve returned!
Family and friends. This is simple. I’m all for family. I will be there for them to the best of my ability. Friends on the other hand, it’s simple. I’ll only look for those that look for me. Those days of regular one-sided attempts at check-up and salvaging are over. We’ll all be fine. Friends like family – very simple, they’ll be treated as family too.
Keeping up. I’m dreadful at keeping up with deadlines and remembering tasks so I’ve bought a diary to help me. It’s the realisation and admission of one’s fault that counts right? Good. Because that diary has been sitting pretty in my bag, so many days blank with no set tasks. That saying that once you don’t succeed, you try and try again, right? So I’ve taken it out just now and decided to fill in every day with tasks, no matter how mundane or little. Bit by bit, we shall get there.
Personal investments. I’ve decided that I’m enough to keep myself entertained and happy and so will be doing things in that vein. I’m gonna start reading again – just got a Jeffrey Archer and John Grisham, safe authors I know but we start from somewhere, no? Also travel more – I just did Amsterdam, next – Venice or Paris; Cook more – I love baking although I’ve never tried it (www.tastespotting.com is like my own personal porn site) and also eat more -especially delicacies that are foreign to my everyday palate. And although I’m very self-sufficient, I also don’t want to disassociate and do my discovery and enjoyment in seclusion and so I want to go out more with actual people – movies, dinners, parties, whatever. Also, try things at least once e.g skydiving…eek!!!
Positivity. I’ve learnt albeit only recently that hope is a resilient phenomenon. With hope, possibilities never end. You’ll never limit yourself because hope will give you just enough momentum to keep going. My life is not the best right now – I’m currently unemployed, approaching late twenties and constantly reminded by my parents unwittingly that I’m husbandless and still in their house. But that latter doesn’t phase me, husband will always come. I’m more concerned about being ready for him when he shows up. Now is not ideal but he shouldn’t take his time either. In moments and situations I can’t control, I’ve decided to be positive. Worrying is very useless, it’s like a greenhouse for your fears. It’s much easier to do your best and let God’s plans manifest.
Well that’s mostly it. I pray it comes to fruition. We mere mortals only propose but God has the final say and I hope on the 31st Dec of this year, I can look back and say ‘Yup I did it!’
I wish you the very best of the year. Peace and love!