Ibukun is amazing. Amazingly talented. An amazing friend. Her silliness can be amazing… and/or sweet. Hehe.
2013 ended with me telling 2014 to bring. It. On.
2014 is here and I didn’t make my usual resolutions and promises. I eased into the new year groggy from oversleeping but grateful all the same. I’m breathing deeper, laughing and crying harder since a near death experience on the 24th. I could’ve been gone in 5 seconds but I’m still here so I might as well live. I might as well buy that violin. I might as well make music with The Ises. I might as well talk theology with Sammy. I might as well call my gran up more often. I might as well learn to look more like Jesus every day. I might as well plan to travel. I might as well take those MUSON exams. I might as well patiently explain that my tattoo is not a sin to the next person that mentions it. I might as well stop waiting, cowering in fear and uncertainty and start making memories.
I have a lot on my plate this first month with exams, music and work. I’ve never been one to balance everything out right but I’ll be learning how to “on the job” this year. Keeping in touch with friends and family hasn’t been very easy for me. I’m hoping to change that this year. Being vulnerable with friends and family also hasn’t ever been easy. Working on this this year too. Finding a modelling agency has been difficult; I’m not sure I want to continue with the stressful search this year so I’m just going to eat and get fat (maybe). I’m going to be more confident about my voice, piano and violin playing because people like Rob and Bankole actually (surprisingly) listen to it and don’t think it’s entirely awful/unredeemable. *clears throat* This is also the year *clears throat* I open my heart to dating. 2013 was pretty much for self-discovery, learning my imperfections, learning hard lessons, figuring out what I actually want (none of the shallow stuff) in a relationship and significant other.
And somehow I want to build my life around Jesus and not just fit him into my lunch breaks or the few mornings I wake up early enough. I want Him to be as real to me as the person beside me. I want Him to be my reality every minute of every day. I want to truly understand that I’m never too far from grace, that no matter where I run in shame or defiance, no matter how deep the pit I’ve fallen into is, His grace is still enough. And I can always come home to God. Welcomed and crazy loved now and forever.