Words are beautiful, most of the time. Most of the time, it takes beautiful crafting by a skilled mind to unlock the inherent beauty of words for all to see. Mudra does that uber beautifully with her entry…
Okay. Let’s do this. I’m one of them brain lazy writer folks but I’ve held myself quasi-publicly accountable since I signed up for #30DaysOfHope. Here goes…
I made a resolution to quit red meat for health reasons. Trust me, red meat in efo riro or obe dindin has never tasted more delicious. Glory! That resolution took a spectacular nose dive by Day 4, 2014. I have made such similar commitments but I can say that I am still struggling with most of them as we all did last year and the year before. You get this wash of newness, freshness and then as days drag by the grin turns to a small smile, then into a grim line and then you are back to the drawing board, only merely a step or two away from depression.
I remember, a week before the new year there came this deluge of tears in the middle of my prayers. It was the heaving, heart-wrenching kind of sobs that makes it hard to breathe and the source was such a confusing depth of emotions that I remember saying “God, please. God, please” over and over again. I tried to identify these emotions: Anger. Failure. Gratitude. Guilt. Loneliness. Fear. It was a mess. My life was not where I had hoped it would be by this time. I decided to pick up a motivational book and the first phrase I saw was: “all things happen for a reason, sit back and watch your miracle unfold.”
I almost laughed out loud. I have come to an interesting understanding about life these past couple of years: we gave too much credit to the obscure. There are several things that we have more control over than we like to admit. Take charge. Leave the excuses behind. Attitude is everything. The way you choose to approach a hurdle determines just how surmountable that hurdle can be. We ascribe certain situations to “fate” when even God has put before you the means of getting past it. Don’t underestimate yourself. Each day you wake up, you have already won half the battle.
Armed with this knowledge nugget, this year would be a struggle, because I know how convenient it is to resign. In fact, I may have perfected the art of giving up over the years. It is very easy to be a cynic but takes a lot more effort to emanate optimism. I remember how my best friend told me how I am one of the most unfortunate people he knows that least deserves it. This is probably because he is the listening ear to the woes that have hit me recently. Yeah, that’s another lesson. Change happens. The contrast of situations it brings is so profund and unbelievable that it takes that extra push of will to adjust appropriately. There are a number of things that are important to me:
Mental And Physical Outlook
Extra-Curriculars (for me, this refers to my catering line and my writing)
Each of the above endured trying times one way or the other in 2013, all of which formed part of my deluge of tears. This nimbus I carried with me into 2014. I took this challenge to rekindle my writing, to put a perspective on my year so far (by means of goals and such which I have been avoiding so far) and to share this aspect of life’s daily struggles with others reading this series. So I began to write and with each paragraph, I realised that things are not really as bad as they seemed. I realised that even if I wasn’t quite winning yet, I was… surviving and that’s okay too. I was taking each day as it comes and doing what I could to be grateful, positive and dedicated to my immediate and long-term goals.
However, I am being careful not to put so much pressure on myself because it only means the sense of not accomplishing what you set out to do would hurt more than necessary. I have seen that God’s plan is not to break me, and that my family love and support me constantly. A quick update of my CV reminded me of the progress I’ve made and the professional examinations I have conquered in 2013. I realise that the beauty of my body begins with the beauty of mind and that love is whoever sees and accepts that beauty in me. Hey… look at me. I’m writing, am I not? I now have an Instagram account to showcase my culinary successes and the response to my catering line has been warm and inspiring.
Everything is not magically fixed, no. What is vital is that you cut yourself some slack now and again, remember that it won’t always be easy but you wanting to try means that there is a window of positivity you have cracked open in your head. Fresh air is always a good thing. Stop looking at what others have, you don’t know their struggle. Be content. Most of all, walk with God. He is the best source of tranquility you can ever get.
I titled this piece December 52. This signifies a sense of continuity, an unbroken line of progress. It symbolises the necessity of marching onwards just as time is doing. A new year does not always begin with January, neither does a new life or new choices. December 52nd is a day of clarity, fortified resolve and of hope.
Keep at it. Hope is the drive and hope is also the prize.