Day 27: Nimi

Some people in this life are just… Fine! Gosh! I’m also really intrigued by the way this lady’s mind works. I would say I’d like to discover more of that except that would be taken entirely the wrong way so… I won’t say it… ( ._.)

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I’ve never pegged myself as the writing down hopes and dreams type of woman.  For work, definitely, when I was in school for studying without doubt it makes sense, but for life…never really thought about it. I just know what I want to happen and try to make it so.  Always figured there’s a certain vulnerability to writing it all, like it brings to light  (and the universe) how much I want it which increases the likelihood  of me not getting it which will hurt (so optimistic, aren’t I?). Plus it reminds me of the church of my youth…writing down what you want and praying on it. Speaking of church I guess that a good place to start (yes I can be a bit of a rambler when trying to get to something).

The church was part of the reason I actually sent the message I was up for writing this. I saw the blog post as I was getting ready for a church service (4th attendance of the year, whole other conversation), I smiled and wondered if I should put myself for it. Was still thinking about it when the teaching began and of course much of it centered on the New Year.  A lot of what was spoken about was ‘hope’ and ‘dreams’,  now that was a sign if I needed one.  I’m not a ‘signs’ person (I sound fun don’t I?), I consider myself a realist. I have optimistic moments and pessimistic moments but ultimately I stay grounded in realism.  So all hopes and dreams are always undercut in realism but for 2014 my philosophy is ‘what is the point of dreams if they don’t get to fly as high as they can’.  So the condensed version of some of mine

Facing my spirituality head on, away from the standard trappings of religion.  I am so far removed from who I was taught to be as a teenager it’s crazy to compare. To blindly follow stopped being me forever ago but the problem is that I stopped moving all together, I read different things and listen to different things but remained stagnant. It’s time to make a choice on the direction I want to go and I can’t lie, that is actually scary.  Things like this is when I think I may have that commitment issue folks talk about.

Write more, go for every writing opportunity available to me, improve, create variety, and put myself out there.  I already started this last year and I intend to do more this year. I always hesitate with this simply because what I have chosen as (most of) my writing subject isn’t exactly the wholesome stuff for the masses.  That has me wondering how I would be received in certain situations which is unlike me.  So the plan is to carry my life attitude into my writing, to carve out time to write more, to look seriously into self-publishing but in the meantime to blog more and study more. This is what I want to do, so I need to do it.

“Dear Body, you have served me incredibly well. I should treat you better”. That was the message to my body I had yesterday. Considering my propensity is inclined towards hedonism and decadence this can be a little difficult. However I focus on the me in 30 years and I imagine her cussing me for not making small improvements here and now that would make her life better. Vanity aside (I let the dream of six pack go, eba and ogbonno won that fight), I want to avoid the issues that my current elders are having by just having a little more care.

Be as good to those around me as they are to me. The last year or so has made me realise how lucky I have been with the people around me, family, friends, colleagues and even romantic entanglements. I have some of the most amazing people around and my hope is for better things for them, my desire to make life better for them every time. It all sounds very Pollyanna-ish, doesn’t it? That’s my optimism in play and it’s also the truth.

“Stop enjoying life and go get married” are the words of mummy. I’m sure she doesn’t mean enjoyment stops when marriage comes (although sometimes I do wonder when I see some folks), more like it’s time to settle down. And for a change I do agree, the idea appeals a little bit more, even though I worried that the fact I thoroughly enjoy my life right now may be a bit of a hindrance.  So I guess I’ll put it down as a hope; to be in a situation that will encourage that special one on one partnership.

To keep challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone. I chose today because it was going to be after my bungee jump and I was curious as to how I will feel after, if there was going to be some kind of deep and meaningful enlightenment sort of thing. I will say that it felt like the physical manifestation of taking an actual leap of faith and letting the fates do their thing.  It had me feeling like I can do anything and with that feeling, I will try to do everything…errr, maybe within reason, of course.

So there it is and much longer than I expected.  My hopes and dreams written down, the things I want put out there in the universe. I will now go and do my thing and try to make it happen. However it goes down, I intend to have a lot of fun on the way and I hope you do the same.

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