Day 30: Chidinma

We’re almost at the end of #30DaysOfHope. Almost. Welcome Chidinma…
I used to like writing. Baring my mind and ranting to no one but my virtual self.
I lost that gift… the words stopped coming.
Today seems different.
I am 30 days into the year and already there’s been one death scare and one real loss- my grandfather.
A man I have mentally wished to see for two years now.
They said he slept and never woke up.
Since I have promised to forgive myself a little more this year, i am trying not to beat myself about failing to visit him.
I succeed a little each hour. It is hard though.
Work is still the same – staid and sedate. Even though I want a change, I really have no decided where to go next.
That is what irks the most. To be at this stage without plans B, C and D.
It almost scares me.
Anyway for the first time since forever, I did not make unrealistic resolutions mainly because I have never kept those self made promises.
I always start with so much vigor, so much anxiety,  so much hope. The ginger never makes it pass the end of January. Never!
I decided to break it this year.
No fairy tale promises. No yoyo targets.
In 2014, I will take every day as it comes believing in miracles, grace and unmerited favor.
I may take up singing again or swimming. I may do that ‘backpack through Europe’ thing that has been bothering me.
I will get a flat (holla if you have any ideas of rates/agents et al in Lagos).
I may meet a new friend that I will retain no matter how much I try to push him/her away.
I may fall in love and be a happy bunny like most of the people around me.
I will be a better person… must be a better person. I honestly have no choice here.
I will come back here to tick off what i have accomplished one-at-a-time by December, 2014.
In short I will play again, I will try to love again, I will sing again, I will write again and try all of these again if I fail.
You know why?
Because again is practice and practice is continuous improvement.

Improvement may not make me perfect, but it is somewhere close to perfection. Somewhere close to where

 have to be.
In 2014, I will not give up on life.

One comment on “Day 30: Chidinma

  1. xcesmoni says:

    Awwwwwww see my Dinma…our pains today will birth the laughter of faith tomorrow. I join my faith with yours – unmerited favours and miracles. LoveyaMuchos


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