We’re almost at the end of #30DaysOfHope. Almost. Welcome Chidinma…
I used to like writing. Baring my mind and ranting to no one but my virtual self.
I lost that gift… the words stopped coming.
Today seems different.
I am 30 days into the year and already there’s been one death scare and one real loss- my grandfather.
A man I have mentally wished to see for two years now.
They said he slept and never woke up.
Since I have promised to forgive myself a little more this year, i am trying not to beat myself about failing to visit him.
I succeed a little each hour. It is hard though.
Work is still the same – staid and sedate. Even though I want a change, I really have no decided where to go next.
That is what irks the most. To be at this stage without plans B, C and D.
It almost scares me.
Anyway for the first time since forever, I did not make unrealistic resolutions mainly because I have never kept those self made promises.
I always start with so much vigor, so much anxiety, so much hope. The ginger never makes it pass the end of January. Never!
I decided to break it this year.
No fairy tale promises. No yoyo targets.
In 2014, I will take every day as it comes believing in miracles, grace and unmerited favor.
I may take up singing again or swimming. I may do that ‘backpack through Europe’ thing that has been bothering me.
I will get a flat (holla if you have any ideas of rates/agents et al in Lagos).
I may meet a new friend that I will retain no matter how much I try to push him/her away.
I may fall in love and be a happy bunny like most of the people around me.
I will be a better person… must be a better person. I honestly have no choice here.
I will come back here to tick off what i have accomplished one-at-a-time by December, 2014.
In short I will play again, I will try to love again, I will sing again, I will write again and try all of these again if I fail.
You know why?
Because again is practice and practice is continuous improvement.
Improvement may not make me perfect, but it is somewhere close to perfection. Somewhere close to where
I have to be.
In 2014, I will not give up on life.