And here we are. Day 30. It’s interesting, and painful, how the “Dark” in the title does not relate only to the time of day the post is going up…
I entered Jan 2013 with excitement. More hope than I had ever had in my life. You know that feeling you have right before something incredibly great happens to you? That mightily expectant feeling? Yes? Well, that’s how I started last year. From January 1st. And I infected everyone around me with that excitement. My whole family felt it too.
The year did go well. Very well. We had loads of blessings and wonderful news. Seemed each member of my family had some exciting thing happen to them one time or the other. Mega changes and uplifment roundabout. We lived each day with thankfulness and joy. I just KNEW that my family was special in the eyes of God.
Then came the 30th of December, 2013. Exactly a month ago, my best friend in the whole wide world (Betty Kums Maidawa), died. Alone. We chatted less than 24 hours before she died. She told me she wasn’t feeling so well and I teased her as usual. Went to visit her the next day, and I was told she had died in the early morn. I really didn’t know…
I still don’t want to imagine what her last moments were. It hurts bad. They say it would probably hurt forever and I’ll never ‘get over’ it, but not as much and I’ll learnt to live with it. Can’t wait. She was more than a sister to me. That’s how I felt about her all along, but I never let her know. I wasn’t the kind to ever say or really show it. But she died.
I was shaken to my very bones. I had joined the league of people who have lost loved ones. I used to think that things like that didn’t happen to people like us. People who love God and have been blessed ALL our lives. But I lost my best friend. Perhaps we weren’t so special before God afterall?
Forgive me for how that sounds. I guess I lived “too comfortably” all this while. And that is why I took SO MUCH for granted. People. Myself. God. I did. And not even on purpose. I was just used to it, you see?
So anyway, I’ve learnt. Big lessons. First of, God will not be played with. He IS God. And by His Grace, I Will draw closer to Him. Me and my Family. It’s safest there. Anywhere else, gutter.
I will stop treating people anyhow. I will not take people for granted anymore. I will truly love people and treat them like so. I will make friends easily and keep in touch. I will truly love people. I will make the conscious effort to stop burning bridges and maintain old friendships. Because GOD(!), it hurts to lose people. And it might happen. (I will) Love them while (I’m) they’re/you’re here.
I will stop waiting. I find that I’ve become so used to waiting for people to do things for me. For things to happen around me. And so, I haven’t really gone to get anything. But not anymore. There is no ‘Godot’. That part of my life is also over. I will be a Getter. In major aspects of my life.
I will read more. I will write more. Virtually and physically. I do find pleasure in it. *hint hint all ye bloggers*
I WILL LIVE. And I will do it right. So help me God.
P.S. Betty Kums Maidawa wasn’t killed by diet pills/slimming tea.