I’m driving over the two-lane overhead bridge at Jibowu heading towards Yaba last night when I notice the headlamps behind me. I’m moving quite swiftly, yet this dude is determined to edge past me. I let him. Punk ass. He’s a white Honda legend.
He seems to be in a big rush. Or he’s just a jerk. I decide it’s the latter when we reach Yaba bus stop where there appears to be some hold up. I’m not far behind him. Two cars are in a stand still behind a danfo bus, which has stopped right on the main road to offload and pick passengers. And the rest of us, peasants, must all wait till he’s done, whether we like it or not. White Honda legend shaunts himself in between the two cars and I actually see a burly hand shoot out the driver’s window to warn the second to not push his luck. Like I said, jerk.
The first car we met behind the danfo manages to squeeze past and go on, powerless to do anything about the idiot danfo driver. Then white Honda legend proceeds to do same, except he doesn’t. He shaunts in front of the danfo and comes to a full stop as well, such that none of us can possibly squeeze past him. Great, I think. Dude isn’t just a jerk, he’s an asshole.
Then his door shoots open and out comes the burliest mobile police man I’ve ever seen and I’m like. Aha! He’s already doing waka at the danfo driver and gesticulating “I go finish you hia today”. Me I’m just like “Ghen ghen, action feem is about to sele for here…” Mopol guy doesn’t go straight to the danfo driver… He stops at his boot, pops it and out comes a big, big gun. This was no AK47, or those tachere rifles with cellotape and chewing gum holding them together which the ordinary policemen carry when they’re asking you, with their bloodshot eyes and beer bellies hanging well over their belts, if you have anytin for dem for di weekend. Even though it’s only tuesday. Nah. This gun was like something Arnold Schwarzenegger carried in the 90s and with the guy’s build, he looked like that black, muscular guy in the first Predator film. Sans afro.
He cocked the big gun.
I was nearly sure I was about to see blood spray out that driver’s window. I stared transfixed, because I don’t flinch from seeing anything. My mind is constantly in record and analyse mode, can’t be missing out on witnessing any available action.
He didn’t shoot. Thank God. It seemed like he would. Whew.
Instead, he used the butt of his weapon and jammed down on the danfo’s side mirror, only twice till it was ripped out of its hinge and unto the floor. Then he stamped on it with his huge boot till it was nothing but wrangled plastic and a million pieces of once mirrored glass ground into the tar. Then he walked back to his car, entered it and drove forward. To park properly. Uh oh.
No one had to tell the danfo driver, he cleared off immediately, making way for us responsible citizens. As I drove past white Honda legend, I saw him come back out of his car, big machine gun still in hand, and heading towards the remaining headstrong danfos, presumably to herd them into their bus-stop and some sense into their heads.
It so happened that the errant danfo was headed towards the traffic light at Sabo like I was, and I trailed him all that way.
Two things I noticed:
1. The mirror on his passenger side was also gone. I wondered if the circumstances of losing that one were similar to this.
2. I’m not sure the last time I saw a danfo driven in such an undanfo way. So sober and so… sane.