Dusk 4: Eskay

For they got not the land in possession by their own sword, neither did their own arm save them..

I always say every year is my best year yet. Which is just a testimony to God’s faithfulness in my life even though I disappoint Him over and over 😦 2014 was no different.

Firstly I started earning a salary for the first time in my life. Because of that I was able to help out at home financially and basically I was independent. That made me really proud.

Secondly God opened my eyes to see liars and cheats around me and I was able to cut them off immediately. Although this was hard to accept mostly because I thought I was a really sensitive person and could detect liars from a million miles away,I’m sorta happy because those experiences really humbled me. Now I don’t rely on my supposed ‘wisdom’.

I hope that in 2015, my actions and my life will reflect the belief I have in God. I don’t want to feel His presence only when I’m in worship but also on those long, annoying days that refuse to end and everyone seems to be out to frustrate you. I want Him to hold my lips when I’m about to say something crass/insensitive just because I’m hypoglycemic and overworked.

I hope I’ll procrastinate less and save more of my income.

I hope to vote in the general elections for the first time. Even if there’s a 500-people long queue.

I want to be able to ask God what He thinks and hear answers. This is the year that my mates are preparing for  plab/usmle/primaries and I’m sitting here not sure of what direction I want my fledgling career to take. I want to hear a voice that says “this is the way,baby; walk in it”

I want to meet someone that’ll challenge my resolve about not wanting to be in a relationship. This sounds contradictory but yeah..

I hope to stop losing patience with my parents over little things and address the background issues why I’m angry with them. This one go hard..

I want to be able to say ‘no’ to people I like and stand by it.

I hope to start dancing in church. Lol. Really dance. Not the side to side movement I’ve been known for. I tried to during new year’s service but…

I feel like I should have my first adult birthday party this year. I hope I don’t change my mind-silver is a huge milestone.

I’m going to tell the radiologist off.It isn’t nice to waste his time..or mine. The problem is that he isn’t making any coherent moves so I can easily say no. And I don’t want to be the one to bring it up but this going to the movies thing is getting old.

The hardest thing I’d probably have to do in 2015 is let go of a friendship that I feel really connected to on so many levels. But is really wrong for both of us on many more levels.

I really want to leave the shores of Nigeria for the first time this year. It saddens me when I think that if I’d spent less and saved more in 2014, I would have definitely been able to go see my godson before he turns two. Now it’s a huge maybe..

I’ve been blessed all my life and whenever I’ve had a need, the supply almost always appears. I want to be the blessing that others speak of. I want to be the answer to somebody’s prayers. I want to grow each day, learn to tolerate people’s shortcomings (Lord knows I have many), be closer to/less critical of my younger sis and read more non-fiction books.

I want to learn to shape my eyebrows perfectly.

I want to own more practical shoes.

And I want to learn to live heaven-ready.

Have an amazing year people!!

Lord teach me what I do not see..

11 comments on “Dusk 4: Eskay

  1. elsieisy says:

    So help you God.
    This made me smile 🙂


  2. Dj says:

    I saw ‘hypoglycaemic” and immediately thought “Doctor or Med student” because no one else would use ‘Hypoglycaemic’ in a normal sentence. Lol!

    A hearty Amen to all of your prayers.


  3. eskay says:

    I wrote this post on new year’s day and before I even emailed it to Toks, I got a call from a friend asking for a loan. I reflexively said no without thinking even though I could afford it bcos it was quite a lot and let’s face it, people almost never pay back loans without constant harassment frm the creditor. The next day, I was about to email the post and I saw what I wrote about being the answer to somebody’s prayers. And I just thought God really didn’t waste time to test me *rme* Anyway so I took a leap of faith and offered one-third of the requested amount-which is the amount I could afford to live without if I didn’t get it back immediately. I did the transfer and when I got the debit alert, e pain well. I no go lie. Anyway fast forward a few hours later and I’m having lunch with a friend and her too-much money chyker drops in and dashes me the same amount I had only just transferred.
    So thanks Olatoxic, for helping me walk my faith :*

    Liked by 1 person

    • Adekemisola says:

      First, wooooow to someone dashing you the exact amount.

      I’m with you on dancing in church. I danceeeeeed on the New Year’s eve and danceeeeeeed on sunday the 4th…liked pulled my shoes and danced! It was my birthday so yeah, birthday behaviour.

      Amen to travelling. I haven’t seen my god-daughter too and she was 2 in Nov. *sigh*

      The year of the shoes!!!

      I pray God holds your hands and help you achieve far beyond your expectations. Have a fabulous year!


  4. I loved this!
    Interestingly, many of the goals you’ve got penned down are very similar to mine.
    May you get all the answers you need in 2015, Eskay.



  5. eskay says:

    One year later..
    I ended up not voting cos I couldn’t get registered even though I tried to repeatedly. I didn’t have the birthday party-figured there were better things to spend money on. Didn’t get to travel out of Nigeria but I did see my godson. Yaay.
    I’m happy to say more than 80% of my shoes are practical, my eyebrow-shaping has improved substantially and I occasionally dance in church.
    I feel like for the first time in my life I have a semi-clear idea of what direction I want my career to take. Just the grace to follow it through is what I pray for. Speaking of grace, I’m sure the Big Man up there is really tired of me by now.. I’ll make you proud, I promise.

    Liked by 1 person

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