Day 18: Oluwadunni

2014 was, for me, a year of loss, a year of mourning. Bad decisions based on overwhelming emotions set my life ablaze. The year dressed me in ashes and sackcloth. I lost my phone with my precious writings, my eagerness/willingness/confidence to write (but not the ability, thank God), my love, my boundaries. Almost lost my conscience, my virginity.

And so my cavity of despair was filled with so much hope at the beginning of this year. And I’m standing on this verse:

And provide for those who grieve in Zion-

To bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

The oil of joy instead of mourning,

And a garment of praise

Instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

A planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor

They will rebuild the ancient ruins

And restore the places long devastated…

(Isaiah 61:3-4)

This year, I desire to walk more closely with God. To be a sheep that knows and listens to the Shepherd’s voice. I do not want to be stubborn and struggle with God over His will, because His will is wise and perfect. I want to obey.

I will devote more time to prayer and study of the Bible. I actually plan to finish reading the Bible this year. Started years back but I’ve been seriously dawdling.

I plan to get my CGPA on a First class. Finished 100 level few decimals short of a 4.5 and it was really disheartening. In the beginning, it was obvious family, family friends, church members wanted it more than I do and the pressure seemed really much. The fear of performing below expectations and disappointing awon fans guided me; not passion, not the desire to succeed. Now, I want it for myself. I don’t think it would seem so much like a herculean task if I were studying a course I was passionate about. But this year, I am demolishing that excuse through diligence and extra effort. I intend to actively study everyday for nothing less than 2 hours, listen attentively in class and not chat. Get study partners who are actually interested in Law (you would be surprised at the number of people in my class who are not)

“I am waiting for your pen and heart to connect again, to create art.”

My friend, Damilola Yakubu, said this to me some days back. I hope that, this year, that waiting will cease. I hope to get over my fear of writing again. It began last year and I honestly could not pinpoint the inducing factor (I suspect it’s because my dad stumbled across my blog). Whenever people who follow my blog complained about its empty and deserted state, I’d mumble some excuse about being lazy or busy. But truth is, I was afraid I had lost my ‘voice’, that all I could produce was a croaky sound, unpleasant to listen to. However, I am determined to battle that fear (the violent take it by force y’know), to let my pen and heart connect as it once did. Amen.

I won’t regain myself in an instant, so I plan to start bit by bit, first privately, then publicly. I have already begun a journal. Blogging will come in later (I’m still undecided as to whether I should revive my old blog)

I love to help people proofread and edit their works too and this year, I hope I find a platform to do that on a professional basis. The search begins.

“I know I can’t change the past but as the river keeps flowing, I’ll keep on moving on.”

Suffered from a painful breakup last year and I only realized recently how very much attached I still am, to my ex-boyfriend. This is the part where I confess that I Googled ‘how to move on’ one night like that. I am letting go of the pain, bitterness and fear of loneliness.

I have no relationship goals. I do not intend to be entangled in any romantic affairs. Made this decision on the first day of this year when I saw this quote on IG: ‘Darling, you are much too whole to be loved in halves.’ Until I find someone who can offer that much without seeking to frolic with some ex or ‘the other woman’ or sidechick, I choose to love myself wholly…and enjoy aloneness.

I plan to value my friendships more this year, open up more to my family, keep in touch with old friends and colleagues.

I plan to do a lot of volunteering for social causes and events this year. Volunteered for TEDxIfe and Operation Salvage last year and I had a wonderful experience. So, yeah.

I have this desire to be a part of an open mic event in OAU, not so much a participant as a pioneer. Maybe I can sell the idea. Maybe I can make it happen.

I also want to try spoken word (or is it performance poetry?). Read a minimum of 25 books this year. Improve my knowledge of current happenings.

Cook more. Eat more and gain weight. Upgrade my dress sense.

I became fascinated and interested in natural hair last year. This year, my goal is to have longer and healthier natural hair. I want to care for it and style it beautifully so that I can eradicate the numerous misconceptions in the minds of many- effortlessly get some to join the natural hair movement.

In 2013, ASUU went on strike for over 6 months. In 2014, OAU was shut down for over 3 months. I watched my friends, mates and juniors in private universities sail smoothly, seemingly overtaking me.  I battled with depression. This year, while I pray no unfortunate circumstance beyond my control befalls me and disrupts my life plans, I also pray for equanimity, inner joy and peace if they do come. I pray for wisdom to handle whatever life brings my way.

The year has begun. It is not enough to plan and pray. I have to start acting.

Have a fruitful year y’all.

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11 comments on “Day 18: Oluwadunni

  1. I love the idea of the Open mic and Spoken word…I actually was thinking along the spoken word line on campus. I’m also an OAU student. I’d like to meet up with you one of these days, yes?

    Like

  2. Vunderkind says:

    I was actually chopping onions as I read this, so it’s not as if I cried or anything.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Niro says:

    Have an awesome year Dunni

    Like

  4. Bolaji. says:

    I pray your dreams come through.

    Like

  5. emeraldofgrace says:

    Funny we’re both studying law, funny we have been through almost the same things, and funny we have almost the same goals. I read this and i’m like.. Lord Help us..

    Like

  6. Seunayo says:

    Awww my baby. *sigh* This law thing… Here’s to better friendships this year. And write, write, write.

    Like

  7. Alafia Dauda says:

    I’d like to see more of your work this year. The Lord is definitely your strength.

    Like

  8. Phoenix says:

    This could so easily be me, it’s uncanny. Almost freaky. From the losing of my voice…to the inability to move on…the battling with depression. *sigh* Well we keep praying… That’s all i have the strength to say right now.

    Like

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