Dark 22: Yewande

It’s my Birthday today!!!! YaBaDaBaDo…………

My sister made me cry, with her mushy message that actually made my head swell. Talking about how I’m the best maga and all that flattery. But I’ll let that slide.

I also made my mum cry. With Joy. She blessed the day she gave birth to me. No. Greater. Feeling.

Whatsapp messages, super prayerful calls, text messages Instagram Posts.…. Phew. The way technology gives people power to wash you sha. Amazing. I isn’t complaining.

I really should stop underestimating the power of prayer. Last year I got things I didn’t even pray for but didn’t smell things I fasted about. Does that happen to anybody else? Only me? Baba God, we need to talk about this o.

Depression needs to stop creeping in like a Nigerian thief, I know I didn’t get great scores on my GRE, and my contract wasn’t renewed completely at work, but I have an amazing job and I have the opportunity to write the exam again in 2015. That’s a lot more than what some people have biko. Lets thank the Lord in all situations.

I’m really weird. You know how everybody has a plan to shed some weight this New Year? I’m the only one I know that’s planning to gain some weight. With my extremely high metabolism and my love for unnecessary stress, I really do not see that happening. This year, I’m embracing my skinny tiny self in more ways than you can imagine. I’m going to exercise and not let the daggers of haters chase me away from the gym again. If you like, kill ya sef.

Goals need to be SMARTER and accounts needs to be FATTER. I cannot be sweating when it’s time to check account balance at the ATM. It is not the Lord’s will.

I just bought Gone Girl from Amazon. Really working towards my resolution to read more and I’m completely torn between e-books and hard copies. I love to give books to my sisters but unfortunately, the house we all live in is the same size as that of the gingerbread man, therefore no space for abandoned books. I need help here abeg. What do I do?

Indecision and procrastination are two little winches that need to be sent back to their elders. Kilode? Just be putting someone in trouble anyhow. Mind ya sef o. I literally have to set alarms for things like leaving the office and reading novels just to stay on track. (I don’t have to set alarm to eat sha). This too must stop.

As you can tell, my writing is terrible and all over the place, but I need to publish a book. Whether boko haram likes it or not. Thank God for blogger and Okada books.

You see, when God is done with me this year ehn, it’s gonna be eye brows on fleek, Nigerian hair on more fleek, Businesses on steroids, le boo on knees, Chimamanda on speed dial, Dangote on the other line, mixed with some Harvey Specter swag and Jessica Pearson’s airs. Don’t say I didn’t warn you o.

Now let me bury myself in the massive ice cream cake that just got delivered. Maybe I’ll even gain weight small. I’ll face my goals later.

Happy New year everyone and happy birthday to me.

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4 comments on “Dark 22: Yewande

  1. missaduke says:

    Happy (belated) birthday…I love how your goals are subtle and seemingly easy to accomplish.
    All the best in your endeavors.

    Like

  2. Consigliere says:

    Happy birthday Yewande! God bless you now and always .

    Liked by 1 person

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