What is it called when, one day, you look up and realize you have absolutely no idea where you are, what you’re doing, what’s happening around you, where your life is headed? It’s like you wake up, and you realize that you’re just coasting through life. You wake up in the morning and you drag your tired, groggy, lumpy self to class and you take your notes and study and do your tests and coursework, you get your grades and it’s supposed to be fine, isn’t it, but it’s not because one day, with a mind-blowing, startling clarity, it will hit you that you could die, drop off the face of the earth and not leave a single mark, not even a smudge.
I emerged from 2014 with one clear thought in my head: I am not where I want to be. I am not even heading there: I am sitting in my towel at home, my feet up on the couch, flipping through a magazine and telling my friend on the phone that “I’ll be there in five minutes, I swear.”
But I have entered 2015, and I am determined to get a move on. A lot of my plans for the year are centered on growth and self development, and I have attempted to compress them into this list for a semblance of order. In 2015, I plan to:
- Fall in love with God. I want to discover Him for myself, separate from the beliefs I was raised with. I want to read my Bible more often, not just when I’m sad and distressed and need some reassuring. I want to pray my rosary (actually I have to buy one first), pay more attention at Mass and stop avoiding confession. And I really really want to truly experience Lent this year.
- Treat my body better. I am honestly grateful for the kind of body I have, because with the way I eat and detest exercise, I should be like The Michellin Man by now. This year I want to stop eating oily food (yes, even my beloved dodo), and I want to stop keeping so much candy around! I plan to drink a lot more water, cool it with Coke and try a little exercise.
- Write for me. I don’t want to mindlessly churn out content that I think the people will like; I want to create each story and each article with a little piece of me. Hopefully this new creative process doesn’t take too long too kickstart, because commitments… And speaking of commitments, I plan to take Art Stories much more seriously this year. I’ve already missed three weeks though, but I am working very hard to get myself back on track.
- Do more for the world. The world is a really shitty place right now, but I personally believe that if everyone does just a little bit to help, to be decent, and good and kind, we can start to see change. This year I want to do a little in my own small way to help those around me. I plan to find an NGO to volunteer with during the summer holiday, but if I can find one before then, I will be glad to offer my help, in whatever way I can.
- Get a job. This is super important for me! I love my current writing work, but I need to find something that pays. Plus I have a lot of travel plans this semester and I cannot finance them on a student budget. According to Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, if you really want something, everything in the universe will conspire to make it happen. So, I am putting this out here: I really want to get a writing job. Off you go, universe! Go and conspire!
- Learn. I am still awed by the amount of information out there that I don’t have. This year, I plan to learn as much as I can. Glean knowledge from every source. I know quite a bit of trivia already, but I want to be a trivia queen by the end of the year. I plan to start and finish a Coursera course, preferably something not in my current field of study. Also I want to stop ignoring my Duolingo reminders and finish my French course. Aaannd I want to learn Yoruba. If you are a fluent Yoruba speaker and you feel touched by this and you want to teach me, please send me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org .
- READ. I don’t want to pressure myself by stating a book goal but I want to read a lot this year, and not just the select group of fiction that I’m used to. I want to expand my circle, look beyond what I already know. I am already trying Christian Fiction and motivational books, and next, if I don’t chicken out, I’ll go for thriller or maybe even horror. Who knows? I will very gladly accept book suggestions.
- Do better in school. To be honest, I didn’t really expect to do as well as I am doing now, but I want to try even harder. This new semester, I want to get straight As. I’m tired of the Bs and the B+s.
- Make friends and be a better friend. I don’t have many, and this year I would very much like to change that. I also suck at communication but I am trying to do better. As such, if you’re my friend, expect an unnecessary and sometimes inappropriate message every fortnight. It’s for the cause. I would list my full specs and recommendations as a friend but I’m afraid this is getting to be long. Just this though, I am always willing to listen and I’ve been told that I am a laugh.
My name is Pamela, and these are my wishes, plans and goals for 2015. Thank you, Tokunbo for this platform to express them. I look forward to a great year working with you.
If you read this and are compelled enough to reach out, feel free to send me a tweet or DM (@NaakiiChan) or an email (email@example.com). I am always looking for a new friend.