Here. And There.

I’m afraid.

I thought I needed a change of environment. I needed some fresh air. I was so sure I needed a fresh start. But more, standing on the threshold, I’ve come to realize that…

I’m afraid.

I’m the one who is wont to go out on a limb and seize the bull by the horns, wrestle him to the ground and be the victor when I plant the dagger in his heart. But when you’re the bull and that red flag is waving in your face and you know you must charge, no matter how hard you wish you didn’t have to…. It becomes frightening.

I want to stay here. I can admit that to myself now. Here is safe. Here, I have family and friends and a network and confidence and history and people who owe me favours. I don’t want to leave all this security behind. I don’t want to go there.

But I do want to go there.

I want to go and do bigger things. I want to make things happen. For others and for myself. I want to validate certain dreams I woke up from too long ago. I want to re-find the spark it seems I’ve lost. I want to capture things I’ve never seen before. I want to embark on an adventure. I want to breathe fresh air.

I only wish I could do all of those here. But I can’t. Not right now.

I need to go there… Even though I don’t want to.

There is scary. And the more I look around me, the more I come to the realisation that here is scary too. Here, a stagnation reeks. Here, stress levels soar to an all time high. Here, opportunities abound, but mostly at the expense of one’s soul. It’s scary here. As it is over there.

So it appears I must choose my scare.

I choose there. I chose there ages ago, but that was before I actually had to go there. It felt good to talk about going there. Telling some folk I would be going there made them envious. And telling others, I could see how delighted it made them. Delighted for me. That made me delighted. A warm fuzzy feeling spread from my chest to my back where they patted me when they hugged me and to my face in a warm smile which must have radiated forth and affected everyone it was beamed at.

But today, it’s dark and cold and alone where I stand. On the threshold of the abyss in which there lies.

I know not what lies in there. And I am afraid of my ignorance. But my ignorance will not hold me back. Nor will my fear.

I shall step, nay… I shall dive into the abyss.

I am leaving here and going there.

And it shall be beautiful.

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25 comments on “Here. And There.

  1. Folakemi says:

    It’s beautiful here too.
    In time, you’ll see.
    *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rare_rey says:

    Have I ever told you that you are a great writer?

    I really enjoyed reading this despite the fact that it describes some kind of fear. Maybe because it also describes hope, and anticipation, and latent excitement.
    It is so real, and so is the truth: that you will do great there. You will thrive. That is the truth, and just like this piece, it is real.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A says:

    Amen! After a month of there, I am still afraid but I’d rather be there than here. Lol it’s confusing sha. Since I am sure u can’t compare your there to my there, I am expecting you to get on with it with everything in you and motivate me to do the same and I know God will guide us all d way! You and I both know these are steps we have to take. Sending you all my love and support.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sirkastiq says:

    You go dey alright.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. highlandblue says:

    Amen. Be strong and courageous

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on TOTS OF A BLACK GIRL and commented:
    Hmmm…this story sounds like a journey to countries in foreign lands…it states it has it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. kimeclectic says:

    God is also the God of there…

    Liked by 3 people

  8. DSFx says:

    Don’t forget to smile and shine your light into the abyss. It’s only up from here for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. sisisingele says:

    You will find peace…
    Here or there.
    The Lord will fight for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. MPDchic says:

    Nice post, can almost feel d emotions churning in you. There will be beautiful. U dreamt it, now u see iit go and claim it.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. 4evaphoenix says:

    If you need a support system… We outchea 😁

    Liked by 3 people

  12. There There says:

    Just when we thought we could know you. Best of luck Eustace There. 😊

    Like

  13. Aarinolaoluwa says:

    Dear Father,

    Today I’m choosing
    To break the chains of darkness.
    To loosen the ropes of burdens I don’t have to carry.
    To embrace freedom in Jesus Christ.
    God, I’m asking for your guidance.
    How I need your light to show me the way.
    I need your righteousness to go before me.
    I need your glory to protect my back.
    Only You can satisfy in a dry desert land.
    Only You can provide the strength I need.
    Would you show me where you want me to serve?
    Make me a spring that never runs dry.
    Give me the wisdom to rebuild and restore
    That I might be called your servant-
    The repairer of broken walls.
    Amen

    Copied from http://rachelwojo.com/a-prayer-for-the-desert/

    #Hanginthere

    Liked by 1 person

  14. […] left “here” for “there” and I am thankful that I am not ruled by fear. Now, “there” is “here” and […]

    Like

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