“It would’ve been better if you had died. That way I won’t have to deal with the pain of seeing you every day”.
“You’re useless, a complete disappointment and a failure to anyone that knows you”.
“Look at your mates. Now look at you. If I were you, I would commit suicide”.
And I almost did.
Every day, from January to December, I had to listen to those words, quote for quote and all of its variations.
Disappointment was the crux of my 2015. Basically, nothing worked. All my plans, all my hopes and all my dreams, crushed to dust. Didn’t help that the accident of June 1st set me back for the rest of the year.
But there was a bright side though. I didn’t die. I didn’t lose my legs as had been predicted (I may have played it down to those that knew about it. Sorry but I didn’t want your pity. #SorryNotSorry). I even started walking quicker than the doctors said I would. So yeah, bright side for which I’m full of gratitude to God for.
When Toks announced this year’s entries, I quickly picked a date. Then I changed my mind. Out of fear. What if I said these things out and 2015 happened all over again. Then Toks challenged me. Then I changed my mind again.
2016. The year I start over.
Some weeks back, someone on Twitter asked what our greatest achievement of 2015 was. My reply was nothing. I looked at the replies to that tweet and it felt like I was the only one who had achieved nothing last year. This year, it’s going to change. I’ve set out goals for myself. All small goals to some people but to me, they’re huge because I ought to have done some of them a year ago. And I’m going to achieve all.
I lost my confidence last year and I’m ashamed to say all the things I resorted to as a result of it. I’m going to find it. Whatever it takes.
Someone told me a month ago that she admires me. I think she must’ve hit her head somewhere. Me?
2015 wasn’t all bad. At least I discovered my flaws. Those need major fixing. Fix it, Jesus. Help me.
I thought I had healed. Either new wounds sprang up or old wounds were scrapped open but in 2015, I bled. This 2016, I will heal. Completely. Why not? I’ve got Jesus.
I lost complete control of my body. That’s not going to happen this year. Luckily, I have an incentive.
2016. The year I gl(r)ow up.
I’m going to learn something new every day.
Someone told me my writing had improved. It can only get better, right? Right. That’s a plan.
I’m going to talk less and listen more.
I’m going to love more.
I’m going to be bold but less confrontational.
I’m going to make friendships that will last a lifetime and I’m going to nurture them.
Last year, I had nothing to lose. This year, God and I are going to ensure the stakes are high and in my favour.
Oh, I’ve been alone too long. It would be nice to have someone to share all the highs and attempted lows 2016 will bring. Someone lucky needs to enjoy all this love I’ve been saving. So yeah, fingers crossed on that one.
2016. The year I take over.
The next time you see me, I will have on a genuine smile.
I wrote this with all the faith I could muster because I’m confident that God agrees with me and He’s got this. I’m a child of Grace. It’s about time my life starts reflecting that.
*clicks glass* Here’s to a beautiful 2016, guys. May all our hopes and dreams come true. ☺ 😊
‘And Chychy called to God saying, “Oh that you would bless me indeed and enlarge my coast and that your hand would be with me and keep me from evil so that it may not grieve me”. And God granted her request’.
Chychy has shared with me one of the most inspiring testimonies I’ve heard from participating in #30DaysOfHope. She almost slipped away from deriving that pleasure this year, I wouldn’t allow it. I strongly believe another great testimony awaits her from allowing me cajole her into doing this this year. Amen.