My name is Chimeremma.
May 10, 2015. 23:57
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr….the phone rang out on both Dad and Mum’s lines severally. More weeping. Mum calls back at 00:04 frantic and slightly irritated at having been called 12 times in a short space but as she hears the heavy wheezing and heaving from my end of the line she sobers up and I hear her waking up Dad. She asked 3 times rapidly as if not expecting an answer, ‘what is it’? I eventually answer, ‘give Daddy the phone’. He takes it and he hears, ‘I feel like I’m going to die tonight’. Apparently, he took the device and put it on speaker mode so Mum heard and must have comprehended first because she was the first to respond with ‘God forbid’.
They have never gotten that kind of call ever. I am the first child and the strong one. I take care of EVERYONE with a smile and zero complaints. I’m always fine when they call and see me.
In keeping to his understand-everything-twice-before-you-respond nature, Dad calmly asked why I thought they should buy a coffin this early morning. I respond saying I feel the pressure finally squeezing the life out of me. Everywhere is claustrophobic and my chest was too tight and if I attempt to sleep, I might go from there. And he hits the nail on the head with his next statement, ‘Chimere, you are not a failure’. Of course he’s my Dad. He has an idea what my life has been like. From getting a degree in double the number of years it took normal classmates of mine to get it to losing millions of Naira in a fire gutted business to fears of starting all over to actually having to move and start over and learn the ropes again among other things. He didn’t know about the emotional bit. So he had an idea. He goes on to explain that it’s all a trick that I entertained which grew to become a large fist squeezing life out of me. I continue weeping. He keeps talking. After a while, I quiet down and ask him to pray for me to get through the night. He does and I say Amen and we hang up. I heard 2 days later that it was a rough, rough night for them both.
At 5am same day, he calls to see if I indeed made it through the night. 3 hours later, my cousin calls to say he had booked flight tickets for me on my father’s instruction and money and emails me the itinerary. I got home and they had me air out everything. It took 5 days to get it all out as they had to get it all out themselves. They had earlier booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist family friend and I just refused to go. So they got down to the psychiatry work themselves. That was my most profound 2015 experience. I got on that aircraft back to base 10 days later with a smile and a phrase in my heart that’s similar to Jesus’ experience; ‘depression wouldn’t have bothered if it knew it would bring forth this kind of beautiful reconciliation and restoration’. Truly, every form of death produces life for the believer if he believes. It’s a joy attack. Give in and life starts ebbing away.
Before that call, I was in what I called a business block. I’m a trained medical personnel but I’m not about that life. I’ve been a business woman all my life. Even the attendant business failures and hunger and pride still couldn’t lure me into the ‘security’ of getting employed at the hospital or teach at a university. All I want is to do business and win. The clarity that came from that near death experience birthed a business on the 1st of June that I’d put off doing till I can. Pastor Poju was teaching us THE MYSTERY OF CAPITAL at the time and urging us to start doing the things we have been putting off from where we were at.
Look, it was the most menial of things I have ever done. And I wasn’t the best at it either. I just knew I should do this, hiring professionals from the very beginning but how could I when I had nothing? And NO, banks don’t care about small businesses. This was the lowest I had ever come. How was I going to start this low??? But I did start; by myself. I knew the social stigma it might bring and did bring. I also experienced what I term ‘reduction in market value’. I am female. Throw in a little shame there. But each day after work…back breaking work, I gave thanks and slept soundly. I started taking pride in it. Of course new business problems came but perseverance is how we win in this life.
I now have a whole new set of challenges. Like;
How to pay the 15 people that I have employed, every month.
How to innovate my business out of the present competition into my own niche.
How to get in more hours of sleep into my schedule and also do things for myself.
How to manage the new options that this business has opened up.
So different from what I thought were issues when the year started.
Depression is gone. It is a ‘going’ that happened because of knowledge. New information. I had thought it gone 2 years ago but now I know that it is a war of information and you win always by having and USING the right information. I also know this because once the new business problems started…it was so overwhelming that it should trigger it but now there’s a warm oasis of joy deep seated as a base in my heart. It’s just there on its own, in a bubble, life can’t seem to reach it. It’s amazing as well as exhilaratingly liberating.
HOPE always wins if you don’t give in to inferior information.
Mix HOPE always with faith.
Stay on top with the real, superior information which is ‘You Are Never In A Crisis If You Know Your Anchor. Allow LIFE Swallow Up Death In Victory For You Every Time As You Watch ALL Things Come Together For Your Good’.
Have a HOPE filled 2016.
Ada is a dear, dear friend and even though I was privy to some of the things she’s been through, this is even more of an eye opener for me. It’s a great testimony to see where she is now, especially in comparison with where she’s coming from. The feeling is even greater seeing the hope with which she bubbles as she walks in this brighter day (year).