I’m old today.
That’s ok though. What’s not ok is how I really don’t have my shit together. I want to blame 2015 for being so amazingly shit, but nah. That’s the past.
This isn’t going to be a long post.
I am depressive, I think. I’m also an optimist. Don’t ask me how that works – I really don’t know. How do I explain buzzing and messaging almost everyone in my contact list as we crossed into the new year, and then spending the rest of the day pretending, and failing, to be happy. But that’s by the way.
I said this wouldn’t be a long post.
So here I am, hoping again. I’m not going to relay plans and goals for the year ahead. I’m just going to say this. When you’ve been through a storm and you decide to keep on living even though suicide is a tempting option, you have to give yourself a reason to keep doing this life thing.
It’s not going to suddenly get easier or happier because we’ve changed the last digit of the year. Life is not going to look at you and go “Hey! It’s that awesome person! I’m going to be awesome to you this year – just because it’s all fresh and new and stuff.” Nah. Life will keep on being cloudy with equal chances of awesome and dreadful. It’s funny how awe and dread are both synonyms and antonyms. I digress.
I guess what I’m trying to say is this. I’m not going into 2016 expecting the world to suddenly become a better place for me. I’m not full of vacuous dreams and capricious ideas. I’m ready to knuckle down and work for the things I want. I’m aware I’ll probably lose friends and alienate people. I’ll probably make some new ones too – and maybe they’ll push me over the obstacles in my way. I’m ready to be buffeted and battered by this rubbish thing called life. But, in the midst of all the turmoil, all the trouble, there’s a glimmer of hope, a tiny bit of light, a voice, quiet but distinct, telling me that maybe, just maybe, this will all work out.
I’m holding on to that hope. I’m following that light. I’m listening to that voice.
So bring it on, 2016. You may not be the ultimate victory I’m looking for, but I sure as hell won’t let you pass me by without pushing for the win.
I’ve always marveled at the way Olumide writes and this piece is no exception. He’s one of those few people whose outward demeanor makes it hard to see the turmoil he’s dealing with inside and I’m glad he’ll be vulnerable like this on here. I just pray 2016 blesses him with precious moments that leave as much of a perpetual smile on his face as is possible.