I’ve been trying to write this for days now and I have not been able to.
I think there’s a part of me that is worried to hope because what is the point of hope?
I mean, I do this every year and I cringe when I go back the next year to read all the things I wrote because more than half have not been achieved. In fact I think I came into this year with that thought at the back of my mind. What is the point of hoping?
But I guess hope is the very thing that makes it all worth it, isn’t it? I mean, if we never thought that we could achieve our goals or our dreams- get that promotion, be married, have kids, bla bla bla what is the point? So no, I am not giving up on hope, I am just trying to be kinder to myself. I have decided that some of the goals I will write this year are things that are achievable instead of the ‘big’ things I usually write. So this year the things I’m actually writing down are the things I will actually do. Here goes:
1. Run 30 minutes without stopping to catch my breath: I figure instead of saying I will lose a certain amount of weight, I will do something physical instead. I have signed up to do a 5K in June so if I don’t achieve this goal, I don’t even know for myself again oh.
2. Only buy single serving desserts.
3. Read at least 100 books and track my reading like this
4. Go on holiday. Twice.
5. Spend more time alone than with people: I get my energy when I’m by myself so this is a no-brainer but it’s something I’ve struggled with, so I’m hoping to give myself permission to be by myself with my books. LOL
6. Sit with my feelings: I am the classic evader. I hate feelings. All of them. But this year I want to stop watching TV mindlessly or listening to grime at top volume at 2am and have my neighbour come knock my door with her baby in hand (true story) instead of actually question what is behind the melancholy that falls on me from time to time. I want to feel my feelings this year no matter how good or bad or messy they may be.
7. Be the best me at my job. Not the best at my job because that’s just cause for wahala and exhaustion; but the best me at my job because I have a unique contribution I’m bringing to work. I need to own it and stop trying to be someone else at work.
8. Make God the first person I talk to about anything.
9. Do what God says and be more honest with him.
10. Wait till the next morning to make big decisions, send that text, letter or email.
11. Do something social every week (outside of work)
12. Check in with long distance friends once a month
13. Comment on blogs
14. Trust that there’s a plan
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
-Ephesians 3: 20-21 (The Message)
Moyin is one of the dearest people to me and I’m tremendously proud that she took the leap to do this and continually too. Because it’s harder for some of us than others. *cue one-man standing ovation*