‘Holed up in my room because I’m sick of all human interaction. It seems like there’s an inverse relationship between my excitement and that of everyone around me. I’m becoming something scary. I don’t know if this is a process of finding myself or of losing it. I just want to be alone and rid of everyone who’s trying to care. Stay away. I’m changing and I’m freaking the fuck out about it’
This was written one afternoon in december 2015, but it pretty much summed up my whole 2015. It was a bad one, no lie. And I carried the negativity with me into 2016. No hopes, no plans, no goals, nothing. I was just going to freestyle. But what keeps us humans going, if not hope?
Jer 29:11 ‘For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.’
I’m taking both. The future and the hope .
Psalm 147:3 ‘He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.’
I’m also taking the healing. For my heart, for my spirit, for my dreams.
John 14:27 ‘Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give it to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid’.
Those too. Peace, Courage, Strength. Mine.
The year has started, and January is almost over, but we move still. I started planning a project for easter, whose outcome I may decide to use as a yardstick to measuring my progress so far in 2016. I will miss an exam in February because i didn’t register and attend classes last year (which is not so far fetched since I was a mannequin last year and mannequins do not go to classes or take exams), so in taking disciplinary action on myself, I went and registered for THREE courses online, and paid too. And I have to be done by the first quarter of this year. SMH. If you type ‘congratulations, you played yourself’ into a search bar, you should see a picture of me.
But I have claimed courage and strength abi? So, we move.
1 corinthians 2:9 ‘Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.’
And I do, truly. So, naturally, in 2016, I’m waiting to see His magic in me.
p.s. Happy birthday PreciousHeart; The complete and absolute love of my life. May the wind ever be at your back. I love you like crazy!
That “Congratulations, you played yourself” line got me cracking up. I expect that in the end though, there will be no playing of self. Because as Motunrayo has claimed, she will see His magic in her.