THIS IS THE YEAR I LIVE
To understand what I am hopeful for this year, a little insight is needed into what my life had been before now.
I studied Law and Languages and graduated in 2014 and no matter how many career talks a person attends, nothing actually prepares you for the difficulty of the real world. I moved back to Nigeria armed with all the good intentions on God’s green earth and billion-dollar business ideas, but life was probably looking at me and having a right laugh.
The first challenge came with Law school. All of my friends who got into Law school said it was a breeze but the reality was far from it. I had to prove this, prove that, bribe this person, and travel to Abuja three times a month. End of the day it was all for naught; I didn’t get in. I tried to hide the pain from my parents, acted nonchalantly and told them I didn’t want to pursue a career in Law any way but deep inside I was inconsolable, my friends were being called to bar and I was languishing at home, unable to do anything.
Next step was NYSC, I had gotten lots of mouth-watering job offers because of the course I studied at University but after every interview I got a call that they wouldn’t be offering me the position after all since I hadn’t completed the NYSC program. This was when depression set in. Close to nine months at home and I hadn’t achieved anything: my life practically ground to a halt, I lashed out at everyone so my friends quietly withdrew, I had shouting matches with my mum everyday, I became anti-social, lived in my room, wouldn’t talk to anyone. In the typical Nigerian fashion my parents did not suspect I was depressed instead they’d always tell me that I didn’t have “the spirit of hustling” like my other siblings did, that I was spoilt and lazy. I don’t blame them though.
The only person who came close to finding out was my sister but I burrowed deeper into myself and wouldn’t let her in. Oh yeah I also gained a truckload of weight and my self-esteem hit rock bottom. Those were dark days.
This may seem like I’m spewing negativity but it’s a background to my hope for this year and I purposely chose Day 27 just to be able to see if I’d be able to keep up with the resolutions I’d made.
This year, I have decided to face life head on; this is the year I live! No more wallowing from one pain to another. I’m going to go back to Nigerian Law School this year to know why I didn’t get in. I’m applying for NYSC in February/March; heck I’d do them both side by side. I’m making a conscious effort to reconnect with most of my friends: some are willing but sadly others have moved on… oh well. This is the year I finally complete my driving lessons after so many, many false starts. This is the year I go the extra-mile and make just that bit of extra effort; go out more, meet people, keep in touch, lose some weight, do at least 1 extreme sport so help me God! – Yes I’m also finding my way back to God because he is the anchor of my soul and so far, it’s looking good
Life cannot defeat me unless I allow it and this year, I am choosing not to allow it.
Oh and if I’m seized by bae this year, so be it.
I am invictus.
She is invictus. She is the captain of her fate. She is the master of her soul.