Dusk 29: Fifi

Last year when I wrote about my year, I emphasised over and over how my grandiose plan was taking the year as it comes. That was sort of a horrible plan, why didn’t anyone stop me?

The year had me yo-yoing in different directions. Trying to pick up my life as it scattered like pieces of eight into the wind. A tad dramatic, but true. It wasn’t about achieving things. Things were achieved but at the end of the year I came to the startling realization that I wasn’t someone I wanted to be. Ever felt that? Looking at yourself in the mirror and being enveloped by that ‘this is me but I don’t want to be me’ outer bodyish feeling?

I’m a hazard to myself. Don’t let me get me….

Insert 2016:

Opens blank page.

The whole mantra ‘New Year, New Me’ makes me laugh. I’m not planning on being a new me, I just don’t want to be the me that I was in 2015. Almost like an improved version of myself. I have no plans to throw 2015 Fifi away. With her lessons, regrets, thoughts, achievements, tears, times of understanding. No. In 2015, I took a walk away from God. I grew up a Jesus Baby but Jesus babies get disappointed. Jesus babies get hurt, Jesus babies get disillusioned and start to think they do not want to be Jesus babies anymore. 2015 was that year. 2016 already has God dragging me by the ear.

Oooooh child, things are gonna get easier…..

Last year, I spoke about dreams and aspirations when it came to creating content for TV. This year, I am going to have screen credits on 4 shows on TV. MNET/DSTV/whatchamacallit- I get it so mixed up, my contracts should be cancelled. Anyway, there are 2 TV series co-created by me. 2 series will have my name in writing / production in some capacity. And it is still January.

Flowing from my heart is Gratefulness….

This year, I really want to improve on myself. Making a deliberate decision to get better- as a person, become a decent human being. I’m a pretty awesome human being but there are higher heights and deeper depths.

Here are a couple of things that might help me be a better human.

Learn to direct properly. Shoot a short film. I have postponed this every year for many years because of fear. And the voices in my head that say I have nothing to say. It took 4 TV shows in one year to give me a sense of validation. Wait, I have something to say. I might not be a quack after all. So I will.

Learn a new language. Been looking to get Spanish classes a while now. This is the year.

Learn to ride the bike I’ve had parked in my room since last year. My parents never let me play outside growing up, so no bikes. Ever. What adult does not know how to ride a bike? Tell me I am not alone. Show of hands, please.

Get Fit. Eat healthier. That’s all I am going to say on this cringe worthy topic. Started fitness classes last year but I destroyed all the work I had done in a month. Started again this year. Yoga too. We’ll see.

Buy a Power Bike. Vroom! Vroom!  The voices in my head have fought me over this for too long. They say a girl should not want this. Sometimes, those voices are louder than who you really are. And I know who I really am adores the speed and the freedom being on a bike is going to give. So YES. I am getting a bike. So long, suckers!

Travel. Ghana, Kenya. Thailand. I read Sonia’s blog the day she said she had visited 30 countries before 30 and looked at my barren passport with a sigh. Mba. Before I end up in some man’s house and have to think twice before I travel. We move!

Talking about men- it is part of my itinerary to fall in love. Deliriously. Deliberately. Drool Worthy(ly). I giggle as I type this because I cannot imagine myself in any kind of love with anyone. But come on, dude. Bring it. My heart is ready. I think.

Ineffable Euphoria. Closer to my heart than ever- is my plan for a food bank and a soup kitchen that rotates in the city of Lagos. Since 2013, we have been visiting communities of people who need food stuff and providing goodie bags once a year. I would really love that to grow. Expand into something sustainable and worthwhile. This year, I plan to do something about that. Write some fine barra letters to some FCMGs and see if they would like to participate in the project. It would be great to have stores where people could get food stuff for twenty naira or something. I need to think that through. Ask me again next year. 

That’s the year. Looking at what I have written down makes it feel real and achievable. Write the vision, make it plain. It will find its way to you again. I know I ramble a bit. If you got to the end of this, here’s a thank you and a sorry. 

My status is changing, there’s no more decline. I’m on my way to better days…

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7 comments on “Dusk 29: Fifi

  1. hrh7 says:

    You’re welcome. And no need to tell us sorry. Your plans are beautiful. Good luck with them.
    http://in searchofperfecthair.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

  2. One I cannot ride a bike too, I can’t even play ten ten, my mom was that strict with going out thing.

    2, my song in my spirit on wednesday, sunday, yesterday sef was “I am on my way to better days!”

    Yes we are!
    Wish you all the bestest this year! Visions turned into reality!! Amen!

    Like

  3. […] Bankole | Chidinma Day 27 – Oluchi Day 28 – Juachi | Frances Okoro Day 29- Eden | Fifi Day 30 – Deaduramilade | Stanley | Valerie | […]

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  4. Vixenpixie says:

    Since I can’t ride a bike either, You and I are allowed to hammer on the fact that we are still baby girls and need taking care of. Don’t you agree Fifi?

    Like

  5. […] months ago, I had plans. A lot of them did not happen the way I hoped, but there is time still; and still so much to be […]

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