Life becomes easier once you know things will work out even if you are lacking something. I am not going to come here and make a list with notes on how I didn’t achieve this and I am almost achieving that.
People stay focusing on the wrong things; thinking if they wrote more or sang more, life would be better but don’t you get it? Life is in the living and you can’t do more than you are doing now and you should be grateful for even that.
This year, I confronted death; I have been confronting death since. I hit 30 before I got to 30 and the high has been worth it. These things really don’t matter; what matters is what you thought didn’t matter.
Am I being true to myself? Am I doing the best for me and showing love any small way I can show it? That’s what’s been mattering this year and it’s not something I can explain cos it’s something that happens every day.
I always thought happiness or achievement was in the next step but I have gotten the things I wanted and where am I – on the floor. Ola thinks he’ll be happy when he starts making arm bands, Cece thinks she’ll be happy when they pay her owed salaries; they won’t. I am just sitting here and I know these things and I wish they knew these things.
So I am here reviewing my life in the past 6 months. Have I lived it well? Maybe. Will I try to live it better? Yes. Have I written enough? It’s not your business. What the fuck is ‘enough’? Cos see, I wrote a book and thought I will be happy but I can’t even see the difference between me before and me now. Then I am working on another book but that thing keeps looking like piss every day no matter where I store it. And I got a job after throwing the other job away but I want to throw this one away too. And the bike I thought will make me happy, that one almost kills me every day.
I’m alive and that’s something. Are you?
My novel, ‘Sixty Percent of a True Story’ is available at Terra Kulture, Quintessence, AMAZON and KONGA.