Day 18: Olumide

I’ve spent the past few days wondering if it was a good idea to say yes without hesitation when The Fantastic Mr Toxic called for this follow up to 30 Days of Hope. In hindsight, it was probably a stupid fucking idea (can I curse Tox? I really like it when I can curse [I also like nested brackets – they make me happy {which is why you should leave this whole mess in, Tox. Thanks and God bless}])

Seriously though, why did I agree to write a 30 Days Purposeful entry when the sum total of my previous post was “I’ll try”?

Well here it goes. We’re halfway through the year – or at least I’m halfway through my year – and I’ve tried.

The end.

Or is it?

I’ve tried to keep my happy face on, to stay unfettered by the self-caused and life-wrought struggles on my path. Brethren, it is hard.

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes what doesn’t kill you just makes you want to curl up into a ball and wait for the world to end. The problem is when what doesn’t kill you is your own damn self, you’ve really got a problem.

Notice that I switched from ‘I’ to ‘you’. It’s a defends mechanism. We do it without thinking, deflecting our self loathing onto others because – I’m no psychiatrist. I don’t know.

But here’s the thing. Even in the doldrums, there is good in the world. I made a group of amazing friends. Online, of course. And even though we’re not completely sure how this group friendship thing is supposed to work, all great relationships are confusing and amazing and all of that jazz. My best friend has forced me to answer my phone regularly – even non-essential calls.

I started working on a joint-EP with an old friend from uni. (Hehe. Uni. How very Anglaterran of me. Yes I made that word up. Bite me.) We’re almost through, and it’s been a fun experience so far.

I’ve been rambling. Let me stop.

So yeah.

I’ve hated this year.

But.

I’m still ok.

I’m still taking on 2016 and refusing to be bowed by the absolute madness that it’s unfolding as.

Olumide

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