Last year was a blur. My dad died and everything else warped and faded into anger. I accepted it. I was ready to ride it into 2016. I shared in my post for 30days of Hope how just letting go of that anger and feeling hopeful again was enough goals for me. I still feel that way. The beautiful thing about having open ended goals is that everything becomes a win. Its great motivation for mornings when I don’t feel like getting out of bed and felt bad about it. Proper self-care has been a major theme this year and even if I haven’t achieved anything else so far, I would be proud of that.
But I have.
I adopted a puppy.
Apart from the fact that owning a family dog and owning a dog living by yourself are two very different levels of commitment, that single act has influenced a number of positive (-ish) changes. I generally don’t do well with changes, I have a deep buried instinct to fight change and I did for the first few days (and still am on some level I’m sure) but somehow, I have a whole new routine. And it’s kinda cool. Getting out of bed first thing in the morning to let the dog out becomes easier when faced with starting your day cleaning up dog shit. Making out time to play twice a day (or she’ll wreck my house) means I’m subconsciously more organised with time management and meal prepping means I’m making better food choices. I’m also learning to be more patient (she is resisting training and I’m resisting the urge to kill her) and she makes me laugh like a thousand times a day. The best part though, is that I don’t talk to myself anymore.
If you asked me right now I how I was feeling, I would reply very honestly and say, vulnerable. Nature shows us that you are most vulnerable at a time of change and growth so I’m learning to sit still and wait. Who would have thought staying still would be so hard? We are naturally inclined to move, chase… progress. Progress doesn’t always mean movement, sometimes be still and solidify, strengthen… make roots. The one specific goal I will set for the rest of the year is finding a service, something to give back to society. Nothing strengthens your roots more than being in service to others.
I’m still terrible at cultivating relationships. I suck at people. Therefore, I stay thankful for my friends, I really don’t know why they still stick around. It’s been a hard year, three friends each lost a parent and for the first time, losing my dad didn’t make me sad. I was grateful because it helped knowing exactly how they feel and how to be there for them. I found the silver lining.
I am most proud of two projects that were conceived and executed this year. Finishing has always been a challenge for me… finishing good, most importantly. Some days I feel like I should be doing more, but proper self-care teaches me to remember to be proud of what I have done. It only takes one moment for things to change, I can enjoy my small wins. I can also be excited about the other projects due to be completed by end of year.
Another goal would be to make more time. I find that it’s cool to list all the great things I want to do but never getting around to do them because there’s just no time makes the whole exercise pointless. So I decided I’m going to take out a specific time block and just go do something on my list. I’m guessing, the amount of time I can carve out would determine what I do. The plan is too do something sha
I’m happy to say I’m in a good place. SO, I’m just going to sit still and enjoy it.