Sigh *gets on podium*
What a year it’s been, what a year.
“Life, if it is going to be abundant, must have plenty of hills and vales. It must have plenty of sunshine and rough weather. It must be rich in obfuscation and perspicacity. It must be packed with days of danger and of apprehension”
This year has been strange. There have been really, really hard times yet in those hard times, a light has shone bright enough to not be ignored. I sit here two days before my transfer viva and can boldly say I’ve come a long way. This time last year, I was on the verge of quitting the bloody thing. But a good friend sent me this quote and I’ve been reading the whole speech every day.
At the beginning of the year, I said a few things about hope. And those things still stand. I’m just a bit more cautious with my hope. There were a lot of things I wanted this year to be and a lot of them have not shown up. In a way, I grow wearier with the brokenness of the world every day. It seems like you wake up every day to bad news. So I will look back at some of things I hoped to achieve this year and then talk about some of the things I secretly hoped to achieve and see where now.
1) I didn’t do the 5K because of complex reasons but I can go 30 minutes on the stationary bike so that must count for something, I guess.
2) I’ve not really bought a lot of desserts this year so guess this one is a moot point.
3) Reading. I’ve read a lot of books this year, about 40 so it seems I might be able to hit 100 touch wood.
4) Holidays- I’ve been on two weekend trips so far and I’m going away for a week from Friday so guess who’s winning now.
5)Alone time- this is the one I can say I have achieved totally.
6) Feelings- I haven’t been scared of my feelings. Elizabeth Gilbert says she talks to her feelings like ‘hey fear, I can see you’re here but I’m not going to let you deceive me’ and that has been my way of operating this year.
7) Be the best me- My job or school has been really interesting this year. I’ve been stuck on something, thought I had discovered a way out and then realised it wouldn’t work. (I’m a scientist, in case you’re confused).
8) Talking to God -work in progress, watch this space.
9) See above
10) Wait till the next day- this one has worked because I’m very lazy.
11) Social as in church? Done.
12) Checking in- it has been more like them checking on me, but it’s been better than other years.
14) I don’t know about a plan, but every good thing will come.
Now to some of the things I did achieve:
1) This year has been one of massive self-development. I’ve been setting myself up for September ( the final year of actual work for my PhD). Completed one year of leadership college so now I have a diploma in Transformational Leadership and Executive Management from the Institute of Leadership and Management. (Yes, it’s a big deal)
2) I quit alcohol on the 1st of January and am still sober. Might drink after my viva though, we’ll see.
3) Been serious with therapy. I’ve let it sink in that I have a problem and medication alone cannot solve it so now I take my medication, go to therapy, exercise and eat well because my brain and my mind need me to.
4) For a couple of weeks now, I’ve been writing a gratitude thing as part of a project called thank you notes by Justin Wolfe. It’s helped me with my gratitude, I think.
So there you have it. Loads of things and loads of things yet to be done. But there’s hope and hopefully, there’s strength. I’ll leave you with this quote from Lucille Clifton’s Won’t you celebrate with me (highly recommended)
“Come celebrate with me that every day something has tried to kill me and has failed”