Day 2: Toxic

I don’t want to do this
I’m not in the mood
Don’t want to spell it out
I’m really scared

I’m scared of failing again
Carrying everything over
I’m afraid to try
I’m also afraid I won’t

I’m too erratic
I lack motivation
Finding focus is hard
Laziness is far easier

Yes, I have vision
Many, many ideas
But for far too long, they lie fallow
Losing they’re potential

Their vibrancy is draining away
The colours bleached from them
Daily, they become more gaunt
The cracks in their skin more evident

So I don’t want to do this
Can you now tell?
Don’t want to lay bare my insecurities
Or increase my vulnerability

Every time I do this
I expose my indiscipline
I display my many losses
In my battles with procrastination

So now you understand
You see how difficult this is
When I make my plans known
And spell out my ideas

And yet here I am
Doing it all over again
Fighting my darkness
Grasping for the light

Being hopeful can be easy
But sometimes it’s hard
Like when you find yourself
Hoping against hope

But I’ll go on and do it
I’ll bite the bullet
What point is there in living an existence
Devoid of any hope?

So I’m going to bet on 2017
Like i did on the year prior
I’ll count my losses
And be a hopeful fool again

This year,
I hope I find my faith again
For in losing it
I’ve suffered many more losses

This year,
I hope I make another wristband
Or maybe two
Fifty would be nice too

This year,
I hope I become a photographer
A real one
And shoot up a project

This year,
I hope I write another story
Or else,
I’m a fraud of a creative writer?

This year,
I hope I see the world
At the very least,
Some parts of it I’ve never been before

I hope I do a better job
Of documenting my travels
Sure, I’ll treasure the memories
But archiving them is essential too

This year,
I hope I’m more creative
Or I’ll feel myself a fraud
When I call myself an artist

This year, I hope I collaborate
With others like me
For no man should be an island
I’d rather be a peninsula

This year, I hope I plan ahead
And fail at dilly dallying
Succeed at getting off my butt
And getting to just doing

I hope I do these things
And so much more
These are the things that would make 2017
A little bit fulfilling

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8 comments on “Day 2: Toxic

  1. Amina says:

    I should just copy all of this and you can post it on my day šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚

    This is exactly how I feel – a different kind of fear but fear still….

    Like

  2. 4evaphoenix says:

    Come see London! šŸ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

  3. KerryTosan says:

    I would really like to do this too.. Lol!

    Like

  4. enajyte says:

    The colours bleached from them – Best just get cans of paint and use those ideas like brushes. The painting fit no fine too much but at least colour will be on the brush.

    In my battles with procrastination – Stop fighting. You end up trying to hard not to procrastinate you end procrastinating anyway.

    Will check in with you from time to time to see how you’re doing. Have a fruitful 2017.

    Like

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