Day 16: Shirley

There is something about 2017. So far, the year has begun with a strong positive vibe; people are more hopeful. It’s probably just relief that 2016 with all its fuckery is finally over and we can, in some symbolic way, start over. Whatever the case, barely two weeks in, I already feel excited about 2017.

I remember seeing a tweet saying that it feels like the theme for the year should be “Showing Up” and I totally agree. It feels like it’s time for the things that I have hoped, prayed and worked for to finally manifest and all I have to do is just show up and be present. As someone who has experienced loss and disappointment, I am constantly reminded about the importance of being present I have decided to adopt this as a personal theme for the year.

To be present, to experience and process emotions in real time. It is difficult to really process emotions while they are happening because of the tendency to be concerned about reacting the “right way.” It is impossible to be your authentic self if you’re constantly thinking about it

To get up and show up, no matter what. Whether I feel like it or not, whether I am ready or not. I can’t count the number of opportunities that have come my way, randomly, by my just being there. Makes me wonder how many opportunities I have missed.

To be completely honest with myself, no matter how much it hurts because change begins with me, right? The best thing I did for myself and the people in my life last year was being more open about how I was feeling, learning to trust them with my insecurities. It’s difficult to be honest with people when you can’t even be honest with yourself. So this is the year I finally address my aversion to romantic relationships. The disruption that comes with that kind of connection with another person frightens me and I have to finally make the decision on whether it is a risk worth taking.

What I am most hopeful for in 2017 is the ability to take it all in stride. We hope for good fortune to meet us and hope against the bad stuff. But life is about both the good and the bad, you really cannot separate the two. Our ability, to endure the bad in anticipation of the good that will come is really what defines the quality of our lives and happiness. That is what hope is really, knowing that whatever difficulty we face, it will end and everything good will come.


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