Day 29: Coco

I feel a bit awkward because I signed up for this hoping I would feel at least a bit more hopeful about 2017 than I did at the time. And now, I can’t really say that I do…

I mean, there’s always that “things will get better” bit of hope we always seem to have in reserve, but it pains me to say I’m almost all out.

I had hoped I would start this year by moving into my own place; that didn’t happen. I hoped for a sign that my subscription box could make it passed the phase of being a great idea; none came. I hoped I wouldn’t have to start the year making tough decisions; here I am.

I feel like i’m going through a quarter life crisis, but I also feel like that would be a cop out. There’s definitely a lot going on that I need to sort out. Blaming it on some existential crisis is definitely easier than admitting I am where I am now as a result of my own decisions.

Mhen, i’ve made some mistakes. I’m working on fixing them. And while i’m sorting all of this out, i’m forcing myself to learn a few things

– It’s okay to make mistakes. At the same time, it’s important not to dwell on those mistakes; Gotta learn what I need to and move on.
– It’s okay to fail. As much as it hurts, there are lessons there too,
– Sharing my problems won’t kill me. Lol. Opening up myself a little bit more to be able to go to people when I need help could cause more good than harm.
– Stop making assumptions based off my own character and thoughts.

For the past couple of days, my mood has been so sour, and i’ve been feeling a lot of regret. Ugh. I hate to regret stuff. It makes me feel ungrateful. Which is an even worse feeling than the spite i’very been lowkey building up. God forbid I end up bitter.

I’ve decided I need a break, and i’m going to take one; to re-plan, re-build, re-strategise. I need some time away from the things that “trigger” me. I am kind of hopeful I will come back better. Kind of.

At some point this year, I want to be able to do the things I want to do without worrying about things like time and money. I want to let myself love and be loved. I want to build a ladder and touch my sky..

I may be a bit too reliant on my support system to make this happen, but that’s what they’re here for innit?

This happiness thing, I will catch it.


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