The Bleed

I faltered, I don’t know how
This was not the plan
I choked on the plot
A hacking cough assaulted me
Rattled through my rib-cage
Flecks of pain travelled from my lungs
Mottled my cupped hand
I bled

Ink
Bloody ink
Dried up and flew from me
But missed the sheets

I wrote
I scribbled
I dictated
I swyped
I hit send
But the pages of my drafts
Remained those
Drafts
Never published…

Until now

blood-ink

A Small Ramble Between 11pm And Midnight

Tis 11pm and not a soul stirs
But the one who his phone presses
He knows not what he writes
Only that he must
Before the clock strike twelve

Fatigue weighs heavily upon his eyes
Another yawn escapes his lips
He scratches that itch on his leg
For only the umpteenth time

He would rather be doing several other things
Than tapping away on his phone

He feels clammy
His eyelids droop
His head and scalp flake
The effect of a visit to his barber
His imagination begins to roam
To the cool shower which awaits
The chance to finally splash water into the eye
Which has itched all evening long

And again, he is sure he would rather not be typing this

He glances down at the word count
And comes to the realisation
That before he began
He set no target
And so could end up typing only a hundred words
Or perhaps as much as ten times that

He bothers a little bit
About the subject of the post
And whether the readers will relate
But about the bloggers,
And the writers,
He is not concerned
For he knows beyond all doubt
That every writer feels this way sometimes

They would rather be elsewhere
Than here writing, which they love so much

For inspiration is priceless
And has us searching for it
Endlessly, daily,
Seeking its direction
But sometimes,
Much like now,
There will be none
And every writer has had to inspire themselves
By themselves

And so this is him trying
Regardless

He has attained some length
Small as it might be
And with it,
He has acquired some satisfaction
Such that finally
All of a sudden
The things he fantasized about
Are now within reach

Which is why this ends
Oh so abruptly…

Psychedelic Words

Was leaving work drained the other day and was suddenly inspired to tweet some real emo ish. My homie, @afrothises does it a lot, tweeting stuff that makes you either go “Deep!” or “Hunh?!” So attempting to channel him, I spewed these forth. Going back and looking over them, it struck me that I could put them all together into one post and share on here. It’s not really poetry. Just a bunch of isolated thoughts, some from the same strain, others stand alone, that all came from the same place. Enjoy… if you can…

____________    ____________    ____________

Rabbit hole scurries and trippy delights that are disguised pain.

Head spins upon and within fluffy clouds which end up getting snuffed up. High.

Skidding in slow motion up steep hills with craggy edges, ungentle slopes and cliffs that gracefully fall away.

Floating just beneath the surface. Wallowing in dusty pixie hills.

Experiencing the well beneath the ocean. The sky within the clouds. The space under the hole. The peace upon the turmoil.

Coaxing these golden evidences of humanity out into existence. I am adamant. Lips and fingertips. They must be read.

I die. While living. Because what is life but the perpetual scrawl towards the end. The flourish. The climax.

Grovelling for more moreness. Such a life. Such is life.

No. Just no. Let it go. Let it go. Blow.

I miss it, you know? I do. You saw a lay, a glorious one. And yet, unlike me, missed the signs. Missed us all. Messed us all up.

Open up. Elaborate. Let the feelings run through your fingers, hit the floor and splatter upon your favourite shoes.

I am here now. You are not. What is reason, if it will not permit such magics to occur?

Free-falling straight through you. Crashing into the memories. Do the shards and the fragments blind you purposefully?

You see how I bandy these, don’t you? You realize how I pander my weary wares. Bandy the trade that is my tools. You see it?

Phantom Wanderer

Today, I have a friend guesting. Please, enjoy Nero’s poem…

___________________________________________

Long, shapely legs so smooth
Stumbling blindly through a dim, scowling maze
The gentle curves of her bejewelled hips
See how they sway to every man’s rhythm
Parched, joyless soul, ever wandering
An angel seeking solace in Lucifer’s crimson arms
Mesmerized by his wicked ways, for reasons the gods delay to reveal
She is alive, yet too afraid to truly live, a mere phantom
Four drunken warrior-kings emerge from their own ashes:
Insecurity.
Dissatisfaction.
Sadness.
Confusion.
Desperately, she attempts to appease them with more liquor and a glowing melody
Now night rests, bringing with it the all too familiar scent of sorrow
So she strums a sobbing tune on an old, worn guitar
Because sad songs offer her self-pity, that bitter-sweet nectar.
Breathe, Child.
Your journey is but a day old
Yet, relentlessly, you fight an elder’s battle
Weep, fair maiden, for your fear is like untamed winds
Propelling you to wage war with the veryhearts that love you
Tightly, your fingers bloodied, grasp your blunted sword
While you drift wearily across lonely seas
Fearing that perhaps loneliness will accompany you to death’s silent shore
Pray, tell me fair lady, are you Hephaestus incarnate?
That son of Olympus, who was a powerful god and yet a cripple?
Crippling fear and great courage- strange bedfellows residing in your heavy heart
Making you so fragile and so strong all at once
Who did this to you, golden girl?
Your insecurity so greatly taints your beautiful, shimmering soul
Now you’re trapped in a struggle to compensate for what you lack in beauty
As if the small breasts God gave you are a mistake that must be corrected.
Again, I ask, who did this to you?
Tonight, the phantom wanders yet again, in the dungeon that is its mind
Forlorn, it seeks a hidden path that stretches far into the open road
Searching for a light bright enough to lead her to the land of the wild and free
A land where her whispers will become happy screams
A land where her words will not be few
But all she finds is stinging darkness
So, with trembling resolve, she sets knife to wrist,
But her burning calls for help are quenched by Death’s ice-cold fingers.

– @iluvpinkblush

Zombie

We lurch to one side
Jostled together irreverently
No complaints ensue
We are in a hurry
All fourteen of us

Bleary bloodshot eyes
Staring unseeing ahead
Dreams of a blissful sleep
Still taunting heavy eyelids
She dozes in the corner
He nods in agreement
His chin nestling into his chest warmly

Bang! Bang!!

They are startled awake
Glancing about in alarm
But only for a moment
The calm with which we stare ahead
Reassuring to the dozers
Who are soon nodding away again
To the rhythm of another round
Of backfire

Our nostrils come under siege
As a molue thunders past.
We seem oblivious
Having survived cheap perfume,
Body odour,
The dank lagoon below.
What’s a little,
or maybe a lot,
a whole lot
Of vehicle fumes and smoke?
Just another chorister
In the cacophony of scents
We seem oblivious

Swerve! Shaunt!
Heads knock together
This time around
Complaints ensue…
“Ah ah! Dreva, take it easy!”
“Jo, ma pa mi fun iya mi o!”
(Please, don’t kill me for my mother o)
“Dis man, wetin dey worry you?”
Deafness, it would seem
Seeing as our dreva’s only response
Is marshing the throttle again
We fall silent
We are in a hurry

We arrive
Spewed forth
From the belly of the rickety beast
Squeezing between and around
Other crawling beasts
Yellow and black
And a myriad other metallic colours
Mingling with the multitude of bustling people
Also in a hurry
Also bleary eyed and sleep deprived
Also dressed in much the same way
Trudging and lurching
Zombie-like
To get swallowed yet again
By the bustle

A Million Pieces

Today, in the spirit of St. Valentine, some poetry.

Happy Valentine’s Day… Whatever that may mean to you…

Enjoy

  *     *     *

You broke my heart into a million pieces
Uncollatable by any form of indices
Could I be part of the collateral damage?
Or was I the target in the very first place
So savage, the way you tore me apart
After to you I entirely yielded my heart
From the start you could have never claimed you loved me
Instead, you enchanted me with promises of milk and honey

Rent heart, fragmented soul, broken spirit
The apparent results of your visit
My Point Of View so young and restless
Reckless, my oversight far in excess
Until the scales were removed, unimpeded my vision
Full system upgrade, 40/40 precision
How could I see the wounds heal through my tears?
How could I feel the pain cease through my fears?

But the demolisher, it turns, out is also the potter
The butcher: the surgeon, but only after the slaughter
Made it all worse, ultimately to make it all better
As the potter put all the pieces back together
All done out of love purest, truest, deepest
Despite all of my flaws, you went and loved me first
And so took me apart to make me truly whole
How could I not see that, O lover of my soul?

You broke my heart into a million pieces
Recalibrated the matrix, rewrote the thesis
Refined the edges and smoothed the creases
And into me blew a million holy kisses…
I love you, Jesus

I am to Blame

Today is December 1st, another World Aids Day.
Today, a poem of sorts…

_______________________________

I am to blame
No doubt it is me who bears the shame,
The fragile frame that bears my name
Is the gain I lost in the game
The game of the dame, my dame the hurricane
The one that swept me away when she came

Most certainly
Put the blame on me
Who else would it be?
Me, definitely
Certainly not the other half of me
My baby, my one and only
To whom apparently
I’m one of many
The only mystery seems to be
How I could have been so full of gullibility
My sensibilities lost in shows of virility
The endless possibilities ending my sterility
My positivity in reality a negativity

I’ve got HIV

But na my fault
Say my baby no better pass pillar of salt?
Say for only a bottle of malt
My baby fit follow you enter cot
Enter cloth, comot cloth
Baby dey floss
But of course for her mind she no be slut
Jejely she just bin dey carry her cross
True, true no be her fault

True, true na me be the mugu
Who knew?
To be truthful, it could be you too
What! You think. Impossible
It’s unimaginable
You’re too true, too good, too cool
You’re too schooled, too beautiful, too faithful
The chances, too minuscule
You’re not that gullible
In other words you’re saying I’m the fool

In other words you are saying I must deserve this
I must have earned this mark on this black list
Me and a million faceless babies
Whose this fate is
Me and several ladies
Who really wanted to encounter their rapists
Mine and a thousand cases
Of mistakes in the basics
Of blood transfusions and infusions
Medical non-vestigations
Aberrations
Tiny incisions in barbers’ salons
And tinier ones still in nursing stations

We are unfortunate preys of chance
Victims of circumstance
Some caught in battle stance, some in victory dance
Others in a seemingly inconsequential instant
Of happenstance
At the speed of a glance
We lost all chance
But one: we are still humans

No less…

This may seem like just fantasy
May only tickle your fancy
I’m no Clancy
But if you look closely enough,
You can see
The clarity, the irony
The fictional reality,
The truth is no candy, it’s candid
Tragic, almost slap-stick
But not quite
Quite sick
Tragic!

Someone says ‘Don’t discriminate’
But disgrace relays the phrase
All priorities misplaced
We escalate the case
Sure, “AIDS no dey show for face”
Except the one that castigates
Yours in this case

So am I to blame?
Should I hang my head in shame?
What difference does it make
When all the same
I hear your eyes saying
With that much disdain
That…

I am to blame

Who We Are

*Le Sigh*

*walks in and dusts cobwebs  lying around blog*

I have not been suffering from writer’s block. I have not been lazy either. I’ve just been quite, quite busy. Not so busy that I would forget my obligation to post here regularly but busy enough not to eventually have. Work has been crippling of recent and I’ve been involved in a project with some friends and yet, I Have been able to write… just not stuff I can put up here. I can share one of these though…

I had the priviledge of being a part of #TheWritersRoundtable, a series on @d3ola’s blog. The project had contributions from twelve of us writers/bloggers and involved a story that was developed and passed along from one writer/blogger to another. We each had the leeway to do with the story as we pleased while the ball was in our court. Deola began the series here and subsequent writers were picked via ‘lucky dip’ which means noone knew when they would be up and so couldn’t prepare ahead as they didn’t know what the next writer would come up with until they read it like everyone else when it was put up. This means we each had only about 48hrs to develop and write our continuing stories, daunting I assure you and the end result was pretty interesting. Well, I came up towards the end of the series and you can find my contribution, Revelations, here. Please read and show Dee some love through your comments.

Well, on to today’s post. In the spirit of our nation’s 51st independence, patriot that I am, I thought I’d share something from a little while back. This was written while I was in NYSC orientation camp all the way up north in Katsina and I believe the message therein is still quite relevant to us all today, whether we’re corpers or not. Enjoy…

*        *       *

We are the beginning, sometimes the end
We are not enemies, we are friends
We are the elements, we are meant to blend
We are conduits, we are instruments
We are the federation, the future of this nation
We are a new generation, we are the intervention
An inspiration, at the mention…
Of which we silence all aberration
We are the members, the placenta
We are the melting point, we are the blender
We are the propulsion and yet the fender
We are the glue that together hold the centre
Remember, remember, we are the future
We are the succour, we are not the furor
In the face of failure, we rise above the stupor
We are superior, we are superior

Fellow corp members, we are Africa
We are from all over Nigeria
From Yenogoa to Minna, we are Katsina,
We are beginners and yet we are winners
We are proud, we get mout’
We fit shout, we get clout
We are scouts, from North to South
We are the pioneers of new routes
We are ambassadors, we are servants
We are on diplomatic errand, we’re not errant
We are elite, no more peasants
We are the ones they await with perseverance
Ladies and gentlemen, we are soldiers
We grow older, wiser, bolder
Sooner or later, the fight will be over
But until then we are proud Nigerian Corpers

_____________________________

This post is dedicated to the memory of the Fallen9 corpers who lost their lives during the tragic post-election crisis that occured in Bauchi state in April this year.

Special shoutout to the 2010 Batch C corpers across the nation who are scheduled to pass out on Oct 4th, 2011, many of them my friends.

God go make una bigger o!

Hopeless (the finale)

To get a fuller picture of this post, you may want to first see Hopeless (the prequel) and Hopeless (the 2nd installment). Well, here’s the finale on Hopeless

… So lost, she is so lost
Hope is so lost and still she’s so sought…
after at no cost. on the map there’s no ‘X’
And still she so lost and so on and so forth but
Seekers are finders, finders keepers
Take off the blinders, the mind’s in creepers
It’s time to delve deeper, steeper, be a believer
Be awake and still be a dreamer
Have you seen her? She’s in the open
Hoping you see her, she is so keen
She’s a token for the taking, she’s glowing
But apparently your line of sight is broken
So frozen, we keep roaming
We lost the signal and still we’re homing in
We are groping for a solution and…
Barely coping, we keep hoping, groping, choking,….

And then a miracle, hope finds us
It was inevitable, she was always behind us
Seemingly invisible, sightings at a minimal
With impaired visuals, we’re specimen for blind trust
A one man strike force came and took us away
Bled hope as His life force faded away
Christ’s life was the price that was paid
I’m no more afraid, I found hope when my whole life I laid
At the foot of the cross, with heaven’s applause…
The OST, Christ wrote off all the scores
The chorus crossed out all the laws
And at this clause Christ crossed out all of my flaws
Jesus is hope for the lost, He fought for our cause
Won us victory at the cross
And the cross is a plus, just a little less short
And at 45 degrees, ‘X’ marks the spot!
.
.

At 45 degrees, 'X' marks the spot

.

.
The spot where hope was, is and forever will be
I find that I’m not hopeless,
In Jesus is where my hope is….
So where’s yours?

Simply what my own experiences have taught me and where I’ve learnt to put my trust when all hope seems lost. But don’t take my word for it, try it out for yourself. Certainly worked for me. We can’t but thank tha Good Lord for His mercy and provision towards His shidren. To say He neva send ‘PP’ aka ‘Private Practice’ aka ‘Freelance work’ boku come awa side, na im be say man pikin eye for don see redder, make awa blood come hot weller. But thank God, he haf not allow His shidren become a weist nor our daily journey to be in vain.

Oh, and jus so you know, ‘they’ paid yesterday….
Guess the next thing now is “So when is May Pay-Day?!”

😮

Hopeless (the 2nd installment)

And so, as promised, here’s the follow up to yesterday’s post. In the event you missed out on it check out Hopeless (the prequel), should give you some insight into the thinking behind the following piece….

I’m really focused yet my vision is blurry
I’m headed nowhere but I’m still in a hurry
It’s funny my palms aren’t sweaty, they’re furry
My forehead is gory with worry, I’m sorry…
If I bore thee with the (w)hole of the story
But what’s interesting is the stew in your curry
Like your eba was lacking in garri
The picture bleak, all action a flurry
And the current footage is now played in rewind
The loop constantly cycling, trying to refine
The idle mind in idle times with vital signs
But in fact lying that crime is fine
We need a remedy, no, we need a malady
For the cavities and calories in the powers that be
They eat our salaries carelessly, the calvary’s hungry see
And yet, they’re expecting a strategy….

But it’s hopeless, haven’t you noticed
How these hypocrites have got us so pissed
They think we’re novice, they are so clueless
They lost they’re focus and now we’re so lost…

That I’m blinded, trying to get finded
Constantly forgeting, but somehow reminded
How we lost our way and now want to pathfind it
Refine it, it’s fading away… please outline it
Please paint the lines red, please change our mindsets
before we end up with a couple more mind-dead kindred
How did we stop stopping to have the signs read
Now it’s apparent how we ended up so wynded
Dem wyne us say no way
Monkey work, dem no pay
We talk say “You know since when we don dey?!”
E don tey but all they say is go away…
And pray for better days like when the sun shone
We’ve waited many days and still the storm drums
And we think to return to where we’ve come from
Seems we’ve begun to come undone
And still it’s hopeless, we stand in line…
For days at a time, we are not so inclined
It’s hopeless, please show me where hope is
We’re so lost….

Tomorrow, the third installment and finale. Stay tuned.