30 Days Hopeful ’17

Make it plain. Write it down.

30dayshopeful-17

We’ve been doing this for four years now. We gather here and share our hopes, convictions, goals, expectations, aspirations, fears and/or dreams for the new year.

We’ll do this again in 2017, making it the 5th consecutive year… and in this year, there’s a slight rebranding – #30DaysOfHope becomes #30DaysHopeful, because the latter is a hashtag unique to this project while the former has many other unrelated tweets attached to it, and it only makes sense to not share that space with other unrelated subjects.

If you’re a regular here, there’s a high likelihood that you already know what this project is about, but if you somehow don’t, please see here for a more indepth explanation.

That said, as always, daily between January 1 and 30, not more than three people will tell us what they’re hopeful for in 2017. The spots below are for the taking. Which would you like?

Day 1 – Lade
Day 2 – Toxic | Treasure
Day 3 – dk jonah
Day 4 – Jyte | Wande
Day 5 – Mayowa | Justin
Day 6 – Moyin
Day 7 – Nero | Chychy
Day 8 – Seye
Day 9 – Priiye
Day 10 – Chuma | Laji
Day 11 – Ope | Ehmie
Day 12 – Christopher
Day 13 – Atinuke
Day 14 – Toluwa
Day 15 – Anabagail | Temitoria
Day 16 – Shirlz
Day 17 – Elizabeth | Yinka
Day 18 – Tomboxe | Aminat Badara | Tamara
Day 19 – Meena
Day 20 – Juachi | Stanley | Ijeuru
Day 21 – Yevandy | Naphtali
Day 22 – Dami
Day 23 – hrhobj | Ogenna
Day 24 – Nimi | Meiko
Day 25 – Motunrayo | Dare | Denikhe
Day 26 – Bolanle | Demisola
Day 27 – Tee | Oyinkan | Tayo
Day 28 – Avril | Pelumi | Damilola
Day 29- Coco | Fifi | Nade
Day 30 – Victor | Pelumi

Advertisements

Day 9: Osisiye

Life becomes easier once you know things will work out even if you are lacking something. I am not going to come here and make a list with notes on how I didn’t achieve this and I am almost achieving that.

Processed with VSCO

These things really don’t matter

People stay focusing on the wrong things; thinking if they wrote more or sang more, life would be better but don’t you get it? Life is in the living and you can’t do more than you are doing now and you should be grateful for even that.

This year, I confronted death; I have been confronting death since. I hit 30 before I got to 30 and the high has been worth it. These things really don’t matter; what matters is what you thought didn’t matter.

Am I being true to myself? Am I doing the best for me and showing love any small way I can show it? That’s what’s been mattering this year and it’s not something I can explain cos it’s something that happens every day.

I always thought happiness or achievement was in the next step but I have gotten the things I wanted and where am I – on the floor. Ola thinks he’ll be happy when he starts making arm bands, Cece thinks she’ll be happy when they pay her owed salaries; they won’t. I am just sitting here and I know these things and I wish they knew these things.

So I am here reviewing my life in the past 6 months. Have I lived it well? Maybe. Will I try to live it better? Yes. Have I written enough? It’s not your business. What the fuck is ‘enough’? Cos see, I wrote a book and thought I will be happy but I can’t even see the difference between me before and me now. Then I am working on another book but that thing keeps looking like piss every day no matter where I store it. And I got a job after throwing the other job away but I want to throw this one away too. And the bike I thought will make me happy, that one almost kills me every day.

I’m alive and that’s something. Are you?

My novel, ‘Sixty Percent of a True Story’ is available at Terra Kulture, Quintessence, AMAZON and KONGA.

Day 2: Lolia

Lolia

Where others see the onset of night and darkness, I see God’s magnificent power shown in His ability to change Day to Night – Lolia

I look at my life and I am convinced that it is the definition of  “Work in Progress”
Okay, so I started off this year an optimistic little bunny, certain of God’s guiding hands in my life, oozing with the assurance of Gods grace and mercy in my dealings.
Fast Forward 6 months later ——-> Thankfully, despite life’s curve balls, I dare say that I am still as Optimistic as ever.
My post in January was me trying to put into words how beautiful it felt to be back, even if then, it was only for a short period of time. Now i’ve decided to narrow down my true but honestly rather vague ‘goals’ from my January post.
Let’s see how this goes….
First, since January I managed to snag ( By Gods grace) a Post Grad placement position in London… I started off in Market Intelligence but somehow glided to Service and Protocol (which, despite my F & A background, I enjoyed soon much more!!)
I decided to move back to Nigeria recently and whilst ( I would admit) I lived a sedentary life (career wise) for a short while, I realize now that there is just so much to be done.
By the end of 2016, I would like to have:
  • Continued to deepen my relationship with God
  • Started off the Partnership business with my brother and put in motion some very viable ideas I/we have had in the past couple of days/weeks.
  • Be on a very challenging but wholly rewarding career path
  • Be more open to take advantage of some of the opportunities that present themselves
  • Open myself to Love and be Loved by God’s tailor-made (flaws and all) partner for me (whoever that may be)
  • Travel to at least Two New Countries and One New State.
  • Do at LEAST two COMPLETELY ‘Out of the Box’ activities.
  • Just overall really Live and Enjoy life the best most productive way possible!
May God multiply all our efforts and crown them with never-imagined success.

Day 1: olatoxic

*strolls unto stage and sits on stool, staring into the distance for a few moments before tapping the mic*

Testing, testing… One, two, three…

It’s been a hard couple of days. You know those days where you make plans you consider fool-proof… Until you see them collapse like a pack of cards.

Oh well, we dust ourselves and move on.

I had grand plans for how this series would start – with a several-day-countdown and an intro – before I would graciously tick off a list of things I had bravely accomplished before the middle of the year…

Alas.

Here I sit, doubled over, upon this porcelain throne forcing out dollop after dollop of… Yeah, you get the picture. Oh well, might as well dive into it now. Smelly and yamayama as it might be.

I’ve been dodging going back to read my #30DaysOfHope post and recall the things I expressly expressed that I’d do this year. But man can no longer dodge it as the dreaded July has now arrived and the music must surely be faced.

Toxic has achieved nothing. Not one single thing from the list I wrote at the beginning of the year. Not even a first step. At least, not yet. I decided I’d keep it short and real simple…
– Start making wristbands again
– Start writing fiction again and blogging more frequently
– Properly develop my website and move this blog there
– Get my instagram activity back up and kick off certain projects
– Finally write the exam for a digital marketing course I took last year
– And somehow, still travel. A lot.

😂😂😂😂

If I don’t laugh now, I might start crying.

Let’s take these one by one and see just how poorly I’m doing. (Don’t worry, I’ve already judged myself).

– I haven’t made a single wristband. I’m still wearing the tattered one below every chance I get, convincing myself it has a cool “vintage” look. (Shush. It does, I’m just trying to ginger myself here 😑).

IMAG0011

A ‘vintage’ olatoxic wristband

– I haven’t written a single story in *counting fingers* exactly a year and a half. I don’t want to believe my oil has dried up in that regard. I just can’t seem to put a whole story together in my head, much less on paper or screen. I’ve already tossed the book project idea out of the window. Not going to happen anytime soon at this rate. I’ve never been able to write medium-length stories. Only shorts. But now, even those… Sigh.

Worse still, I haven’t even been able to write anything else. Thought pieces, poetry, rants, reviews, journal entries… even, ideas. They frequently flutter away before I’m able to trap them on paper or behind a screen.

Well, I’ll not give up so easily. In 2014, I started a ‘project’ where I tried to put up a post every day of October. I think I managed to do 20 days. I think I’ll get back on that. This time though, I’ll try and stock up on material leading up to that.

– As for olatoxic.com, that’s going to take a ton of pedal-to-the-metal grit and hard work that I’m not sure I have in me right now. If anything though, that’s something that absolutely must be done before #30DaysOfHope next year.

– Finally, something positive. I’ve somehow managed to get my activity back up. Though I’m still far from any form of regularity. Also, haven’t quite figured out how to (re)package the ideas I’ve been toying with for a while now. All in due time, I guess.

– From a small high to a big low. I procrastinated so bad that I never took that exam. I hate studying so much that I never did, and so never took the exam. The deadline came and went and I kissed that opportunity for a certificate I hope I never need goodbye.

– Finally, the only thing here which really gives me a cause to smile. I’ve been traveling. A lot! The target was three new countries and three new Nigerian cities/states. In February, I hit Senegal. In March, Kano and then Ghana, which doesn’t really count cos I’ve been to Accra before. It should though, cos we (Yellow Mitsubishi) also did Kokrobite, Elmina and Kakum. But no, Ghana doesn’t count. An neither do Benin republic or Togo, seeing as we went by road through them. But no, I didn’t visit those yet so they don’t count *sniff*. In April, I attended a training in Vienna, Austria. That definitely counts, though Germany doesn’t. Because odeenari layover. Mscheew.

IMG_4547

Because Viennese blue skies and centuries-old, spell-binding sculptures and architecture.

So I need to visit one more new country and two new Nigerian states to achieve my target. Looking good. The only sad thing about all this is how I’d been hoping to begin properly documenting these experiencing by doing some travel-blogging, but nah, such lazy. Sigh.

Oh well, I’ve got another six months to try to get all these done. I really needed this mid-year review to hard reset and force myself to look back and see that I’ve only been given excuses to why I haven’t gotten more done. I can honestly say I have no valid excuses and I sure plan to do better.

Hopefully, these plans won’t crumble again like a house of cards.

Ladies, gentlemen, welcome to 30 Days PurposefulTomorrow, we play catch up with Coco and Lo.

Dusk 19: Moyin

I’ve been trying to write this for days now and I have not been able to.
I think there’s a part of me that is worried to hope because what is the point of hope?
I mean, I do this every year and I cringe when I go back the next year to read all the things I wrote because more than half have not been achieved. In fact I think I came into this year with that thought at the back of my mind. What is the point of hoping?
But I guess hope is the very thing that makes it all worth it, isn’t it? I mean, if we never thought that we could achieve our goals or our dreams- get that promotion, be married, have kids, bla bla bla what is the point? So no, I am not giving up on hope, I am just trying to be kinder to myself. I have decided that some of the goals I will write this year are things that are achievable instead of the ‘big’ things I usually write. So this year the things I’m actually writing down are the things I will actually do. Here goes:
 
1.  Run 30 minutes without stopping to catch my breath: I figure instead of saying I will lose a certain amount of weight, I will do something physical instead. I have signed up to do a 5K in June so if I don’t achieve this goal, I don’t even know for myself again oh.
2.  Only buy single serving desserts.
3.  Read at least 100 books and track my reading like this
4.  Go on holiday. Twice.
5.   Spend more time alone than with people: I get my energy when I’m by myself so this is a no-brainer but it’s something I’ve struggled with, so I’m hoping to give myself permission to be by myself with my books. LOL
6.  Sit with my feelings: I am the classic evader. I hate feelings. All of them. But this year I want to stop watching TV mindlessly or listening to grime at top volume at 2am and have my neighbour come knock my door with her baby in hand (true story) instead of actually question what is behind the melancholy that falls on me from time to time. I want to feel my feelings this year no matter how good or bad or messy they may be.
7.   Be the best me at my job. Not the best at my job because that’s just cause for wahala and exhaustion; but the best me at my job because I have a unique contribution I’m bringing to work. I need to own it and stop trying to be someone else at work.
8.   Make God the first person I talk to about anything.
9.   Do what God says and be more honest with him.
10.  Wait till the next morning to make big decisions, send that text, letter or email.
11.  Do something social every week (outside of work)
12.  Check in with long distance friends once a month
13.  Comment on blogs
14.  Trust that there’s a plan
 
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.
-Ephesians 3: 20-21 (The Message)

Moyin is one of the dearest people to me and I’m tremendously proud that she took the leap to do this and continually too. Because it’s harder for some of us than others. *cue one-man standing ovation*

Day 19: Shirley

2015 was the worst year of my life. My father died, unexpectedly. It was the 19th of May, 4 days after my birthday. I was abroad. I remember waking up intending to call him, I received a call from my brother instead. The rest of year went by in a blur of rage, mostly, guilt and confusion. I fought depression, despair, the weight of everyone’s expectations… I was so angry.

The thing about anger is, it blocks out everything. An angry person cannot be hopeful.

Fast forward 12 days into 2016. Unable to sleep, I sat up in bed. I didn’t want to watch tv so I decided to write (depending on how I’m feeling, stories come to me. Some make better movie scripts than others) and then it dawned on me that I was happy. That 2 years ago I was praying for the things that are now the norm for me. That somehow, in spite of all my screw ups, I had found my way to contentment and peace of mind. So I started to pray. Praying has been hard for me since my dad’s passing so whenever I get the urge, I embrace it. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t find the words to express everything I was feeling. I prayed with every cell in my body, thanked Him with every fibre of my being because I finally understood. No anger. No confusion. Just gratitude.

What had changed?

I am not a “New year, New me” person, but there is something about ritual.  It’s the repetition I think, it serves as reinforcement. And at the beginning of every year, we all partake in a universal ritual, even without meaning to – we plan. Earlier in the day, I had a number of conversations with friends. We talked about what we were doing this year, about projects and executions. We talked timelines. We made plans. That’s hope. Somehow, without meaning to, I had found my way back to hope. And I didn’t have to do anything or lift a finger. Grace. As shitty as my year had been, looking back I can see all the ways it could have been so much worse. I remember the weight of the despair I carried around with me, the dark cloud surrounding me, preventing me from seeing ahead.

I didn’t plan on doing a post this year. If I had been asked earlier, I definitely would have said ‘NO’. There is a reason Toxic sent me that DM yesterday and not last week. I entered this year thinking ‘Fuck it! I was hella hopeful in 2015 and what did I get?’ but it’s so much nicer to have a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. A few days ago my mother told me I looked happy. This was hilarious to me because my account balance does not support that statement. Grace isn’t governed by any laws though. I hadn’t been able to pray because I never knew what to say; I felt undeserving. But that’s the whole point of Grace. Immediately I understood that, I was free.

If it’s hard to Hope, reach for Grace.

I don’t have a list this year, I don’t need one. I know that whatever this year holds I will find my place and my purpose.

I confess Grace into my 2016 and yours. May all our expectations be exceeded this year, Happy New Year!

Shirley


Now I’m really glad I reached out to Shirley. There were folk who hadn’t signed up this year who I had to guess hadn’t because they’d somehow missed the call when it was sent out. Who would have known that that would work out for the best here? Who could have possibly known?

Dusk 18: Tamara

Tamara!!!! You just had to write it in a rush ehn?!!! After days of procrastinating!!!! You had to wait till the eleventh hour. And this procrastination is part of what u said u dropped with 2015 o…. issokay..

Anyways…

Counting my blessings  2015

#operationfinishmedicalschool…. done and dusted

#missionseizethebae2015……mission accomplished

#getahousejobplacement…….. check

Hopes, Dreams and Desires for 2016

  • I really need to put an effort into this relationship with God. He has shown me several times in several occasions that he loves me and cares about me. How else can I show that I’m not an ingrate if not by being closer to him, reading his word and doing the things he loves? I really need help in this aspect of my life and this is my year of breakthrough. Amen somebody!!!!!
  • I’m finally a doctor!!!! I didn’t really understand the implication of this until I started my house job. People’s lives are in my hands, they look to me for help. Ordinary me, that I don’t know anything. Nurses that have been working for how many years ask me “so doctor what should we do?” Me? What do I know??. So this year, I intend to learn skills, to absorb all I can, to learn all I can, cause I hear it’s worse during NYSC. There, you are literally on your own. Oh God be my help!!!!
  • Concerning my career too, this year I’ll like to know my path. You see, anytime people ask me “so what do you want to specialise in?” my answer is almost always “I don’t know”. Because really I don’t!!. By God’s grace, this year, I’ll prayerfully decide the path I want to follow. No more indecisions for me!!!
  • I want to learn how to live, I just realised that the future I’ve been dreaming of is here, it’s now! I want to enjoy it, stop complaining, stop daydreaming, stop giving excuses! live this life Tamara, life is too short to live it in your head
  • Read more non medical books. One book per month is not too shabby.
  • I want to have a more positive approach to life….this is going to be hard work for my pessimistic self, but I don’t mind the challenge.
  • Above all, I want, hope for and desire God’s will this year!!!!

 

May God’s will be done in the life of Tamara in 2016. And the people said “Amen”.