I am to Blame

Today is December 1st, another World Aids Day.
Today, a poem of sorts…

_______________________________

I am to blame
No doubt it is me who bears the shame,
The fragile frame that bears my name
Is the gain I lost in the game
The game of the dame, my dame the hurricane
The one that swept me away when she came

Most certainly
Put the blame on me
Who else would it be?
Me, definitely
Certainly not the other half of me
My baby, my one and only
To whom apparently
I’m one of many
The only mystery seems to be
How I could have been so full of gullibility
My sensibilities lost in shows of virility
The endless possibilities ending my sterility
My positivity in reality a negativity

I’ve got HIV

But na my fault
Say my baby no better pass pillar of salt?
Say for only a bottle of malt
My baby fit follow you enter cot
Enter cloth, comot cloth
Baby dey floss
But of course for her mind she no be slut
Jejely she just bin dey carry her cross
True, true no be her fault

True, true na me be the mugu
Who knew?
To be truthful, it could be you too
What! You think. Impossible
It’s unimaginable
You’re too true, too good, too cool
You’re too schooled, too beautiful, too faithful
The chances, too minuscule
You’re not that gullible
In other words you’re saying I’m the fool

In other words you are saying I must deserve this
I must have earned this mark on this black list
Me and a million faceless babies
Whose this fate is
Me and several ladies
Who really wanted to encounter their rapists
Mine and a thousand cases
Of mistakes in the basics
Of blood transfusions and infusions
Medical non-vestigations
Aberrations
Tiny incisions in barbers’ salons
And tinier ones still in nursing stations

We are unfortunate preys of chance
Victims of circumstance
Some caught in battle stance, some in victory dance
Others in a seemingly inconsequential instant
Of happenstance
At the speed of a glance
We lost all chance
But one: we are still humans

No less…

This may seem like just fantasy
May only tickle your fancy
I’m no Clancy
But if you look closely enough,
You can see
The clarity, the irony
The fictional reality,
The truth is no candy, it’s candid
Tragic, almost slap-stick
But not quite
Quite sick
Tragic!

Someone says ‘Don’t discriminate’
But disgrace relays the phrase
All priorities misplaced
We escalate the case
Sure, “AIDS no dey show for face”
Except the one that castigates
Yours in this case

So am I to blame?
Should I hang my head in shame?
What difference does it make
When all the same
I hear your eyes saying
With that much disdain
That…

I am to blame