Losing my virginity

Catchy title, eh?

Yeah, I think so too… /:)

This may or may not be a tell-all tale. A few days ago, someone said on a friend’s blog and then on my timeline that all the bloggers just seem to be blogging for shock value now. I know there’s this way all them shocking tell-all tales can make readership, commentaries and subscriptions on a hitherto little-known blog soar. You know, those controversial topics/discussions that have comments in their hundreds on theToolsman’s blog/site? Yeah? Or that post on Terdoh’s blog over this last weekend? (almost 1000 comments!!) Or remember that other slim girl’s post that went on to trend worldwide on twitter, with it’s own hashtag too?! *sprinkling ugwu leaves around* hehehe

Well, what writer doesn’t want some level of exposure and acclaim? And who doesn’t want some level of popularity, at least? The knowledge that there are people who greatly value your words and take them to heart? Who doesn’t want that kind of far-reaching influential ‘power’?…


Well, that may or mayn’t be me. I won’t deny or admit that’s what this is about. You’ll just have to read and find out for yourself. And maybe at the end of this, you can even tell me whether or not this falls into that category.

Now, where do I begin this tale of mine?… The beginning? Ok, fine. Lehgo!

Well, I’ve always been a pastor’s kid. The term actually defined me for a bit, especially back in high school- my nickname in certain circles was omo pastor. For as long as I’ve known, until very recently, my life has been centred around church. I mean, I was born while my father was studying in the seminary and following that, we actually lived within the church premises until I was ten. Now, as expected, virtually everyone in church knew all the pastor’s kids and seeing as church was really big growing up there was almost nowhere I would go where I wasn’t known as an omo pastor. Heck, today I still randomly meet people I’ve never met previously who recognise me from back then or who hear my surname and ask if I’m truly the son of my father. Well, not literally sha, but you get the picture.

Why have I started my tale with this and what’s it got to do with that controversial title? Here’s why. Growing up, due to my ‘omo pastor status’, one phrase I heard more times than I wish to ever remember is: All pastors’ kids are the worst. It always came in different variations but the idea was always the same. And almost always, it came with examples given with dramatic emphasis of some pastor’s kid(s) somewhere or the other who did this or that that even an unbeliever’s kid would never do… *smh*

I’m not here to admit or debunk this theory… What I will say about this though is that I know quite a lot of omo pastor’s who are upright and well behaved, at least, outwardly. And not because of their parent’s ministry either but because it’s who they’ve consciously chosen to be. I personally believe that in describing human behaviour, making blanket statements and using generalisations are unacceptable. That you or someone else knows some pastor’s daughter who got involved with drugs or a bishop’s son who is into yahoo yahoo, doesn’t then mean ALL pastor’s kids are that way, does it?!

Okay, moving on… to me… For as long as I can remember, I’ve been seen as the kid in my family who wanted to ‘escape’. Artistic, adventurous and having a potential wild-streak is how I would’ve been described growing up and so I was the one who was constantly monitored and hawked-over (for whatever reason, I came to the conclusion that it was so I wouldn’t ruin the ‘family image’)… X_x

I wasn’t allowed to go to a boarding school after passing common entrance in primary 5 cos I was “too young/small”. Got admission into King’s College the next year, but ended up a day student all my six years there. Then I tried to get into ABU Zaria in my first Jamb attempt ’cause I heard they have one of the best art schools and got accused of trying to ‘run away’ (I passed but the results of everyone in my centre got cancelled). I ended up getting cajoled to pick Unilag in my next attempt and now I’m a ‘proud’ Unilag alumnus. *sigh* I almost wasn’t allowed to go serve when I was posted to Katsina but… Nah! Me I wasn’t going to stand for that. E don come wan dey too much dat time… Are you getting my drift here? All my siblings, by the way, went to boarding houses far from home. Same thing with higher institutions. Na only me dem tie join wrapper throughout.

It wasn’t until I got into ‘Lag that I truly became free to make (some) decisions for myself. And like a caged bird set free, I revelled in that freedom. Ol’ boi, I did and undid o! Went clubbing for the first time in my life. First girlfriend… Ok, this one was actually really stupid. Lemme spell it out for you:

Day 1: Met chic for the first time through some friends. Pretty girl, I noticed…
Day 2: Hung out a bit with mutual friends
Day 3: Mutual friends and mine who saw us together the previous evening tell me that it’s kinda obvious “…say she dey feel you die”
Day 4: We go clubbing together. It’s my first time in a club ever…
Day 5: I ask her out, she says yes!

5 days, yo! *rolling eyes* Yeah, ridiculous, I know. Especially for someone who’s always been about serious relationships and never been one for flings. Moving on… Joined my first dance group (outside church) in which I danced alongside one very dark-skinned dude called Wande. Amazing dancer he was but he’s now a singer. Back then, he went by the name Black Wand 😉 We acted/danced in our first (and last) movie, Tunde Kelani and Mainframe’s Campus Queen. Landed my first major role in a tv soap that same year… You sha get the drift of “I revelled in my freedom”, shey? Ehen…

I bet at this point, people be wondering so what has all this got to do with the title and when do we get to the juicy stuff nah?! Cool ya blood jor! Baby steps, yo, baby steps…

Okay, let’s fast-track things a bit. Present-day. I came on twitter actively about february this year and one of the things I noticed was the edginess… the near-raw sexuality of a lot of the terrain. Lotsa weird twit pics, hashtags and twitter lingo almost had me running scared again but I decided that I was finally going to just stick it and make some sense out of the madness, and maybe even get something positive out of it. It’s how I was exposed to the work of some amazing and talent writers which then inspired me to start this here blog of which I’m very proud… Oh, I deviate again? Sorry…

The sexuality, abi? Okay. Well, I saw/see people talking a lot about sex and stuff with frankness and honesty and I was like Ok, cool, whatever makes you happy. But when I started seeing people bashing my personal choice of sexual orientation, I thought it was sad, real sad. And perhaps needed to be addressed and that there is largely why I’m writing this post.

You see, we live in an era where the opinionated people with the ‘biggest’ voices seem to dictate the way the rest of us ‘little people’ live our lives. Peer pressure is evident everywhere around us, some positive, more negative. I can’t even have an unpopular sexual preference without being judged and bashed on anymore. And so, I’m writing this post to stand up for what I believe in. I’m not trying to shove it down anyone’s throat o, neither am I trying to put anyone who doesn’t subscribe to my decisions or preferences down. I’m just here to state who I am and ask that you accept me and the other people like me without judging me/us. Same as we have (largely) accepted everyone else.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am unashamedly, and entirely by choice, a virgin

I made the decision to ‘keep myself’ until marriage a long time ago, sometime during my teens. It was a conscious and well thought-out one and seeing as I’ve decided to put myself out there like this, I owe anyone reading this the truth about why… I chose this path according to the convictions of my faith. I’m a christian.

I’m a firm believer in To each, his own… and like I said earlier, this is not about putting anyone with contrary opinions down and so I choose to not continue along ‘religious’ lines in this discourse so as to respect people with different beliefs within and outside my faith.

I will say this though, staying this way has been entirely by God’s grace. I’m a proper open-eye omo-boy. I know wassup weller. I’m not claiming to be a saint here. I’ve been in relationships before and I understand the phrase Body no be wood. I’ve had my fair share of near-misses. There’ve been times where it really wasn’t by my will that I didn’t follow through on well-laid plans (not necessarily mine o) and so, I repeat, it’s entirely by God’s grace in my life. I say this moreso because I realise there are people who are not virgins, not because they don’t believe in the concept or decided they wanted it so, but because that decision was made on their behalf, in a lot of cases, forcefully and I commiserate with any such.

In conclusion, I’m coming out to say this as testimonial to the fact that it is definitely possible to be cool folk today with no deformities socially,physically, psychologically, physiologically or emotionally and still be virgin or celibate. The default reaction I get when I tell people I’ve never had sex is Yeah, Right!! However, I personally know many, many people like me who are likeable, correct people, well accepted by society who have remained virgins by choice. They would not all declare it to the whole world like this because they deem it unnecessary. I, however, am of the opinion that too many young ‘uns today make the decision to do away with their virginity like a soiled diaper out of the misconception that everyone is doing ‘it’ or that if you aint doing it, you must be some kinda weirdo. They need to know this, that You don’t HAVE TO be that way if you really don’t want to and that Not everyone is doing it

After all, I’m not.

I am OlaToxic and I’m unashamedly and purposely a Virgin